My filling fell out and my tooth is killing me.
I need a root canal.
Dental insurance?
Not at the moment.
Money?
None.
I don't think I will be getting much sleep tonight.
At least it takes my mind off of my broken heart.
Why is it broken?
For the same old reason it is always broken.
Maybe I should get a clue and just let go.
Stop thinking that if I wait long enough there will be a different outcome.
Feeling so sad.
I am forced to face things that I can't understand.
My heart cannot even comprehend them.
I have to make decisions that I don't want to make.
Decisions that no one understands.
To my knees is the only place of comfort.
My only guidance.
I see people who have done what I am living.
They seem ok, sometimes happy.
I can't see how it will ever feel ok.
How it will ever stop hurting.
I wish I could go to bed for awhile.
Wake up when it's all over.
Instead I took the girls to a playdate.
When I really didn't want to socialize.
Cried my sad song to my sister,
who politely and lovingly ate the cookies I make for her every time she comes over, while she listened.
Babysat my nephews.
Did a song and dance to make the kids smile.
When they threw a pillow at me I turned it into a prop.
They had no choice but to join in.
Went to meet the kids cousins for pizza.
Smiled and laughed with my sisters.
Came home to bathe the kids.
Bed time routine..........
Alone.
Laundry.
Delay going to bed
Because tomorrow is another day.
I guess my throbbing tooth is a blessing.
Because it keeps my mind off of all of this.
Sounds pathetic?
Sometimes.
Yes, I know.
