Dear Children, your entire vacation from school I have let you run wild, in my opinion, and all it has gotten me is a lot of whining. I think inside you really do prefer a schedule and an early bedtime. Dear 2011, you were a mix of hope and hell. The peace in the storm and also the deepest most hopeless heartache and disappointment. Doing things I felt I was not capable of doing, but somehow I did. I never ever wish to relive you. Not ever. I think I said that last year. Dear New Years Eve, I was awake, but I admit we were all in bed and the kids were asleep, against all their objections. I was in no mood to celebrate anything, actually I stayed in my room all night, but I did let the kids celebrate with everyone else downstairs. Dear 4am Wake-Up Call, having my 4yr old climb in my bed asking for a drink, me giving her one, and her taking a really long drink of water. Starting to fall back asleep only to be wakened by her throwing up all over me. Luckily, yes there is a luckily here, it was water not food. This happens sometimes, she will wake in the middle of the night or early morning and start dry heaving every 15min. for most of the day and then when it all settles down she eats a big dinner and is weak, but ok. She did this with her acid reflux regularly especially if she missed her medicine. But she is off medicine for four months now and it was a shocker let me tell you. Not how I like to be woken up, wait I never like being woken up. Maybe because I can't remember ever sleeping one whole night through. Dear Sweet Friends, you somehow still love me and always seem to call and cheer me up when I really need a friend. Thank you. Dear Cafe Rio, I have wanted a pork salad for months, I finally drove across town and you looked so tasty but after a couple of bites I couldn't eat any more. What a waste. Dear B&D, poor things you listened to me way too much this week. Thank you for being there and for providing a blessing when I needed one. And for offering to let me move in.smile. only real friends do that.ha Dear Temple, oh my sweet Temple, how I have missed your familiar halls and staircase and celestial room with my chair. My chair was waiting for me. And so was the perfect scripture, D&C 6. Followed by a blessing confirming all of my feelings. All of this somehow makes it seem ok that I don't have any answers. Dear Self, things have been really hard lately, so hard. I don't have any answers and just for a moment that's ok. I feel time flying by and I feel the weight of things to come and I feel all of the loss and sadness that come with it. But today I know the Lord loves me.
