Ric started working this week.
HALLELUJAH !!
Although he had to move to Reno for that to work out.
He will be the mechanic for the HVAC on the LDS Temple.
How did this come about? Well, let me tell you.
He had a job making good money working his life away 60 hrs a week as our life and family fell apart so he took a job working less hours and less than half of the pay. It helped some but not nearly enough. He lost his job there and his old job asked him to come back. Neither one of us felt good about that so we waited.
Some crazy man(his name starts with a B)put his resume in for the Reno position working for the church and we got a call the next week. We were a little confused. They did a phone interview and then flew us out for another interview, as you know.
So, you know I had zero desire to move. We have been separated for a year and Ric had been living in a whole other universe, which he was honest with them about, so I wasn't too worried about him getting the job.
But then they said he was the one. And that's where my life fell apart.
They have been interviewing for the position for awhile and said it was never the one the Lord wanted, but the spirit bore to them that Ric was. Now you would think their answers would be enough for me, but no, it was not even close.
At first it was not enough pay, and how can we afford to move when we are broke, how was it all to work? And really for me it was the fact that Ric had only been back for 4 months and it had been challenging. I didn't feel comfortable moving in town with him much less 14 hrs from everyone. The kids have been through so much, we have moved so many times and they are uneasy, they need stability and security. And so do I.
I felt terrified that I would be getting myself into a terrible situation. There had been progress yes, but how do you go from divorce papers to moving out of state? I am terrified of having to relive the last eleven years over again.
People think they can sympathize, but unless you have lived in these circumstances with your spouse then really you cannot understand what it does to you and your children. I don't expect people to understand especially because they don't even know what the problems really are. And it is fine that way. But it does hurt my heart when people say insensitive things.
All logic was screaming This is insanity, I would have to be crazy!!!!!!!!
I had a couple of weeks full of fear. Not fear of the unknown or the future, but of the very recent past. There was this possible gift being given, but people have free agency and there is no promise of a happy ending. It took a lot of crying and praying and faith for me. It took me remembering (someone reminding me actually) that the Lord has given me that special gift of feeling His love for me, to remember He loves me. He is aware of the risk and the cost and He is also aware of the blessings that I can not comprehend right now. I can see that the Lord could be giving me what I have always prayed for, the family I have always wanted.
And I can see that Ric working in the Temple everyday with really great people is pretty good insurance for him to be the person that he is trying so hard to be. It is not an easy thing to come back from where he has been and to keep progressing. There have been small setbacks, but I know he is deserving of this opportunity because obviously the Lord thinks so. He has worked two days and I can already sense the change in him. And it makes me happy.
I know there is a reason the Lord is sending us there. He not only opened windows and doors He removed walls for this to work out for us.
The whole process has taken over a month. I think the Lord knew I needed time to adjust and Ric to work out some things. We waited until the night before Ric left to tell the kids because I knew they would fall apart too and I knew I was going to have to stop crying and change my attitude and pretend to be excited about our "new adventure". If they sense fear they will latch on and I don't want that for them.
When we told them Ric talked about Lehi's family and what the difference between Nephi and Laman and Lemuel was. Nephi asked for himself and had faith and didn't grumble. We asked them to do this too so they could feel comfort. Hailey started bawling, not the fit kind, the sad breaking heart kind. Kaden said he felt like he was going to throw up and Avary said her heart was beating in her throat. Hazel was too tired and fell asleep before we ever got to the point and snored through it all.
We threw in all kinds of happy thoughts of all the things we can do together there and talked about how this is different than the last time Dad left because this time we will be a family together, which they all agreed is the most important. And then we bribed them with trying to find a house with stairs. When we bought this house they said they would trade the pool for stairs. I didn't want either one. The pool ended up being a blast, but don't tell anyone I said so.
Hailey was the only one who couldn't be consoled so Ric gave her a blessing and she quit crying and has been fine ever since. Kaden walks around saying "I'm gonna miss this place, this house, Arizona... Can we come back on the weekends?" Avary has been singing songs about Reno. And it wasn't until the next night Hazel was wondering where Daddy was. Ha I forgot to tell her!
So there you have it. Now I am all alone again and have to pack by myself...again. Time to de-junk. I am not even going to venture into the story of my woes about leaving my family that will only bring tears. I'll save that for later.
