Funny-ness

BEFORE = eewwww


AFTER = cute

Kade has been so funny lately. He said there is this huge older kid at school that scares him and he chases him. I asked him "why is this boy chasing you and how are you handling it"? He says "well, I call him SMALL FRY and then I run and if he gets too close then I jump on his back". HaHa. What the?

The next day at bed time he says " I had a rough day today" I ask why "I had to do so much running at school today cause the girls keep chasing me, it makes me thirsty, cause it makes me sweat and drains all the water out of my body, my body needs water it's going to dry up, maybe I can trick them somehow, man girls make me tired, they make me use all my energy, good thing I am a strong man". "mom...can I have a drink of water"?

The day after "if a robber broke in I think I would trick him and capture him and he would say, this kid may have a small head but he has great ideas and a smart brain"

Friday Letters

Thanksgiving 2010

Dear Husband, you made it just in time for the wonderful Arizona weather on Thanksgiving day. Dear Thanksgiving Feast, you were so yummy, heavenly even. I wish I could have eaten more and I wish you came around more often.mmmmmm. Dear Weather, you are quite chilly in the mornings to my Arizona blood. I think I will freeze when I have to leave you. Dear Children, I'm sorry I forgot to feed you dinner on Thursday. We ate so much for lunch and you were having so much fun, pie counts right. Dear Family, I LOVE YOU. You are my best friends and the cousins are my kids best friends. How can I leave you? Dear Friday, one fun day wasn't enough so we skipped our TO DO list and went back for more and spent most of the day with family again. Yummy hamburgers and more pie! Dear Rico, thanks for letting me sleep in. That is always a good gift.

Bangs

I trimmed the girls bangs tonight.

Both of them have one side that curls up a little more and it always looks crooked. It turned out very short and wig-ish. Ha

It annoys me. And I stared at them all night.

Hailey said she wanted hers thick and straight. Well, she got it. Except the straight part.

I prefer them both without bangs.

This morning I woke up with a headache. It chased me all day long.
I feel so emotionally drained and so tired. There are days that I feel so incapable. I barely make it through the day with out crying and some days I end up crying. I feel ok about crying now. In private of course. I figure I deserve it since I didn't cry for so many years. Anyone who has kids and been husband-less, for whatever reason, can understand these feelings I think.
I got quite a few things done, but the kids bed time couldn't have been soon enough.
Some times during scriptures and prayers there is at least one child who is crazy. Tonight it was the little girls.
Hazel was jumping all over the place, she scratched my nose and head butted me. Avary got hit in the face and smashed her back on the corner of the wall.
I am praying they go right to sleep so I can go look at their sweet faces and they will look innocent and...well, less crazy.

So now, cranking up the new Taylor Swift Speak Now cd (one of Hailey's b-day gifts), making Kaden's star student poster, doing dishes and ten other things before I can go to bed and have another sleepless night.
Lets pretend like tomorrow I will feel better.

Holy Batman!

I have a 10 yr old!


(An awful picture of a picture, but the baby is still pretty.)

Hailey was a big baby! She was 9lbs 8oz. 20in. on the day she was born and 19in. the day after.haha And no I was not overdue.
My water had been broken too long and developed an infection in the amniotic fluid. So of course this affected her lungs and breathing and her blood was full of infection. I got to hold her for just a moment before they took her and my body went into shock. I remember I couldn't open my eyes or lift my hand, but I could hear a swish of noises around me.
Ric went with her to be checked out and she was only getting 80% oxygen so she didn't come back. I was devastated. They told me she had lacked oxygen for too long and there was a possibility of brain damage, but we wouldn't know until she got older. Why would you tell a new mother that?
They were going to fly her to a different hospital if she didn't improve by the next morning. Her lungs were full of fluid and infection and where worried it had spread to her brain. I had to watch as they tried over and over to do a spinal tap but kept missing. Up to that point that was the worst feeling I had ever had having to watch my new baby be poked over and over again for various reasons and I couldn't hold her because she had to stay on oxygen. My heart broke. That was such a difficult time for me, my family was 1000 miles away and I was so alone.
She was given a blessing and steadily improved. She had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks while she received antibiotics. I had to go home for one night without her, it was awful. Luckily they let me come back and stay in an empty room for free so I could be right down the hall. That was nice since her bill alone was $30,000. Because she wasn't getting enough oxygen she wasn't able to eat more than an oz. and had to have a feeding tube in her nose. My poor little baby.
Thanks to the priesthood there was no lasting damage of any kind. I am glad I live in a day with medicine and so much knowledge. And I thank my Father in Heaven for my baby girl every day.

Once we took her home things were so much better. I am glad she was my first because she had reflux and cried a lot and has always been super hyper, but I didn't know any better. It would have been so much harder if I had had a mellow one first.
Hailey has always had such a sweet spirit and definitely very strong willed . Luckily she has always loved good things and would cry if she ever missed church, she still does. She loves anything and everything to do with church. She is growing too fast for me, I wish I could slow it all down.
She can run and roll around in the dirt and climb trees with the boys and can even be obnoxious like a boy (thanks to all her boy cousins) and then dress up for a tea party.
She has always been so outgoing, but is starting to get more shy as she gets older. She laughs until she cries and bites her nails (thanks to her auntie). She is in such a hurry to grow up and is hungry for responsibility. I am always reminding her we all wish we could be kids again.
She has surpassed my shoulder in height and her feet are as big as mine she is always stealing my shoes. She is so beautiful and I love her so much. I am sad my little munchkin is fading, but I am excited to see who this little girl grows up to be.




First she had a party with family.


The next day she had a party with her best friends.

She had so much fun and felt so loved and happy.

With that I am glad that the birthdays are over for the year. I am exhausted!!
Now on to Thanksgiving and Christmas!
And packing and moving. BOO to that.

Friday Letters

Dear Husband, you started a new job this week that you love. This is a huge blessing in our life. Dear Paycheck, I cannot wait till you start rolling in. I can honestly say my kids have more money than I do. Dear Packing, I loath you. That is all. Dear Back, could you please hold up for all of the back breaking work I have ahead of me, there is a reason they call it back breaking. Dear 3yr old, every night you get in my bed and lay right in my face. This = lack of sleep. I'm trying to remember that someday I will miss seeing your crazy hair come bobbing around my bed. Dear Hailey, today you turn 10. You are so tender hearted and growing up too fast for me. I love you little munchkin! Dear Ricardo, I miss you taking the garbage to the street and taking the kids to school (not the same thing by the way). And I miss you too.

WARNING...

Some Quality Information. Lots of Rambling.



Ric started working this week.

HALLELUJAH !!

Although he had to move to Reno for that to work out.
He will be the mechanic for the HVAC on the LDS Temple.

How did this come about? Well, let me tell you.

He had a job making good money working his life away 60 hrs a week as our life and family fell apart so he took a job working less hours and less than half of the pay. It helped some but not nearly enough. He lost his job there and his old job asked him to come back. Neither one of us felt good about that so we waited.

Some crazy man(his name starts with a B)put his resume in for the Reno position working for the church and we got a call the next week. We were a little confused. They did a phone interview and then flew us out for another interview, as you know.
So, you know I had zero desire to move. We have been separated for a year and Ric had been living in a whole other universe, which he was honest with them about, so I wasn't too worried about him getting the job.

But then they said he was the one. And that's where my life fell apart.

They have been interviewing for the position for awhile and said it was never the one the Lord wanted, but the spirit bore to them that Ric was. Now you would think their answers would be enough for me, but no, it was not even close.
At first it was not enough pay, and how can we afford to move when we are broke, how was it all to work? And really for me it was the fact that Ric had only been back for 4 months and it had been challenging. I didn't feel comfortable moving in town with him much less 14 hrs from everyone. The kids have been through so much, we have moved so many times and they are uneasy, they need stability and security. And so do I.
I felt terrified that I would be getting myself into a terrible situation. There had been progress yes, but how do you go from divorce papers to moving out of state? I am terrified of having to relive the last eleven years over again.
People think they can sympathize, but unless you have lived in these circumstances with your spouse then really you cannot understand what it does to you and your children. I don't expect people to understand especially because they don't even know what the problems really are. And it is fine that way. But it does hurt my heart when people say insensitive things.

All logic was screaming This is insanity, I would have to be crazy!!!!!!!!

I had a couple of weeks full of fear. Not fear of the unknown or the future, but of the very recent past. There was this possible gift being given, but people have free agency and there is no promise of a happy ending. It took a lot of crying and praying and faith for me. It took me remembering (someone reminding me actually) that the Lord has given me that special gift of feeling His love for me, to remember He loves me. He is aware of the risk and the cost and He is also aware of the blessings that I can not comprehend right now. I can see that the Lord could be giving me what I have always prayed for, the family I have always wanted.
And I can see that Ric working in the Temple everyday with really great people is pretty good insurance for him to be the person that he is trying so hard to be. It is not an easy thing to come back from where he has been and to keep progressing. There have been small setbacks, but I know he is deserving of this opportunity because obviously the Lord thinks so. He has worked two days and I can already sense the change in him. And it makes me happy.

I know there is a reason the Lord is sending us there. He not only opened windows and doors He removed walls for this to work out for us.

The whole process has taken over a month. I think the Lord knew I needed time to adjust and Ric to work out some things. We waited until the night before Ric left to tell the kids because I knew they would fall apart too and I knew I was going to have to stop crying and change my attitude and pretend to be excited about our "new adventure". If they sense fear they will latch on and I don't want that for them.

When we told them Ric talked about Lehi's family and what the difference between Nephi and Laman and Lemuel was. Nephi asked for himself and had faith and didn't grumble. We asked them to do this too so they could feel comfort. Hailey started bawling, not the fit kind, the sad breaking heart kind. Kaden said he felt like he was going to throw up and Avary said her heart was beating in her throat. Hazel was too tired and fell asleep before we ever got to the point and snored through it all.

We threw in all kinds of happy thoughts of all the things we can do together there and talked about how this is different than the last time Dad left because this time we will be a family together, which they all agreed is the most important. And then we bribed them with trying to find a house with stairs. When we bought this house they said they would trade the pool for stairs. I didn't want either one. The pool ended up being a blast, but don't tell anyone I said so.
Hailey was the only one who couldn't be consoled so Ric gave her a blessing and she quit crying and has been fine ever since. Kaden walks around saying "I'm gonna miss this place, this house, Arizona... Can we come back on the weekends?" Avary has been singing songs about Reno. And it wasn't until the next night Hazel was wondering where Daddy was. Ha I forgot to tell her!

So there you have it. Now I am all alone again and have to pack by myself...again. Time to de-junk. I am not even going to venture into the story of my woes about leaving my family that will only bring tears. I'll save that for later.

31

Oh, today has been such an exhausting day!
We did nothing.
Well, nothing to speak of.
Of course I still had all of my motherly duties to attend to.
I think I irritated an old back injury and it is really killing.
It's sad when I am trying to be nice and sweet with the kids but I am is serious pain and I feel like I am going to snap.
I didn't though and everyone is tucked into bed. All I have to do is wait for them to fall asleep so I can go take a hot bath. Maybe then I can get everything ready for tomorrow. My house that is in a disastrous state will have to wait.

I had a good birthday. Ric and I went out and shared a free burger at Red Robin and then ran errands with no kids.

My wonderful family took me out to lunch and spoiled me with gifts.

There was an awkward and embarrassing moment while opening my gifts. I was speed reading the cards they made me so I wouldn't cry and I almost lost it, but I sucked my tears in and tried to keep going. On the last gift, which was boots they pitched in to get me, I did lose it and just started to cry. I couldn't stop and explain myself or I would have gone into the "ugly cry". So, they think I really liked the boots, which I did but that's not why I was crying.
It was so nice that when none of them have any money right now they spent it on me, I felt bad but loved. And I love them so much I can hardly stand to think of leaving them. They are my best friends and my heart just aches. Well, good going now I'm crying again!

I don't like being in my 30's, but at least I am still on the low end. And I am praying my 31st year is nothing like my 30th.

Thank you to everyone who thought of me and wished me a happy birthday.

Friday Letters

Dear Husband, it takes you 30min. to put your socks and shoes on. I have witnesses. Dear Headcold, you turned into an awful cough and have given me a good beating all week. Dear Prescription Cough Medicine, you weren't really mine you were my sister's (who just happened to have just gotten over a head cold and cough) just sayin. Luckily you are really gross and she had a lot left over and you let me sleep. After I stopped gagging of course. Dear Heating Blanket, I feel cheated. You only worked for one winter and the other night when I really needed you, you never warmed up to me you stayed cold and oblivious to my need for warmth. Dear Potato & Ham Soup, you were de-licious. Just right for a cold night. Dear 30's, I have not been happy with you, lets change that starting now. Dear Emotional Breakdowns, you've been hanging around a lot lately. At least you are inside and not for the neighbors to see. Dear Change, I think you are causing the emotional breakdowns. I am not ready, not even close. You are not always good and not always bad, I haven't decided which yet. Dear Birthday, I never look forward to you and I always ask for the same thing every year. I hope I get it today. Dear Holiday, you were so nice. The steak was yummy and I love my family. Dear B&D, i am so happy for your little miracle baby that joined your family this week, or should I say BIG miracle. I hope I get to hold him. Dear Rico, thanks for letting me sleep so much while I have bean sick. I am grateful.

Friday Letters

Dear Husband, we have spent A LOT of time at my family's house lately and you haven't even once asked to leave early. I love you for that. Dear Halloween, you were fun and festive, but I am glad the candy is gone. Dear Bingo, kids LOVE you. I was the favorite aunt the whole time we played. Dear Cranky Pants, I admit that I have been wearing you too often this week, I should pack you away. Dear Head Cold, you make my face hurt, my eyeballs feel like they are going to pop out and it's impossible to sleep well. Maybe you have something to do with those cranky pants. Dear Holidays, I can feel you approaching and I can almost smell all the yummy food, mmmmm. Dear BellyFat and SaddleBags, I have a feeling you won't be going anywhere until the first of the year. Dear Rico, you have let me sleep in everyday this week, thank you.

Halloween

Halloween was fun. We went to cousin Ryan's 7th Birthday Party then headed over to Grandma and Grandpa's ward chili, carnival and trunk or treat.


Me and Avary were Kitty's.


Hazel was Cinderella. Later that night her crown fell in the toilet. Just toilet water, but still, it was toilet water.


Hailey was a butterfly. Talk about beautiful, I'm jealous.


Kaden was a Ninja. And of course my camera had to die so I didn't get his picture. Ric wore a spider man shirt, I think that is cheating.


And there was pumpkin carving.


The Family at the party.


And this is what happens at the end of the night after sugar and more sugar and grenades. No one has felt good ever since. I was glad they didn't get too much candy, it was gone the next day. I think we caught a bug though because cranky and crying has been present all week.