Friday Letters

Dear Children, you have been so great considering all the craziness of the last couple months. I may have had more meltdowns than you. Dear Hailey, you decided to be a part of the play at EAC. You walked there after school every day and walked home. I am proud of your dedication when you make up your mind about something. I can't wait to see you in the play tonight. Also you did something that is very hard for every person and you did it sincerely. I believe it has made you stronger. I am proud of you. Dear Recovery, really! I am just so tired. Most things that can go wrong have. You know when they say you have about 1% chance? Yeah that's me, I'm that lucky one %. Lets just say so many surgeries/procedures in two months with so many problems has been too much for me. They had to be done and I wanted them all at the same time so I could just move on. I am so ready to move on. I want to go outside again and walk in the cool air before it's gone! Dear K, thank you so much for watching my kids. We love you! Dear One Year Anniversary, I dragged myself out of bed for an hour and Will took me to dinner. It was so nice to go somewhere with him. Then he gave me a lovely thoughtful gift. And I gave him....a card. He made it a good day. Dear Will, once again you have been so kind and attentive in taking care of me. I can't wait to be better so that I can repay you for all that you do for me. I love you so much. Dear Self, I've had to cry quite a bit this week. Things seem better then worse then better then worse. I'm trying to stay positive but I've surely had my moments of complaining. Poor Will. We still find a way to laugh through it all, but I could do a little better at not getting so discouraged. My goal for the next week. Hopefully this next surgery will be the last. Please pray that it is the last and that there are no surprises.

A Magical Wedding Part 1

All pictures where done by Sherrie -picturethepossibilities.blogspot.com

One of the best days of my Life.

Surrounded by those I Love.

Luckily I had many helpers getting the 9 of us ready.

Margo and I did my hair and makeup, Jeana and Moriah did all 5 of the girls hair. 

This is when Hazel fell in love with Jeana, the fact that she let her brush and do her hair was a miracle.

Ranell helped get them dressed.

 My Mom gave me the necklace and bracelet that she wore on her wedding day.

 They were my great Grandmas.

That was so special to me, I cherish them. And they matched perfectly.

The Dress!

Grateful for my Sisters!

Ready to go and not nervous at all.

My Mom and sisters. Love them.

Year One

Dear Mr. Clark, My Mr. Clark. 

Oh, the year we have had. Ha it really is ridiculous the crazy things we have had to go through, that all we can really do it laugh about it. 

Some times cry about it, but laugh later. 

I believe we have learned so much about life. Although we have a long life ahead to learn the never ending list of things we don't know yet. What I do know is that I want to be with you forever. What I do know is that our relationship is stronger for it because we are still by each others side. We are so imperfect right along with every one else. 

But I do know that the Lord blessed me with you. 

You are a blessing in my life and in my children's life. And I never thought I would ever trust anyone with my children. They love you so much. They are so excited when they hear you come home, they ask all day when you will be home. So you must be doing something right. 

We haven't had a typical newlywed year. But I have grown to love you more than I thought I could. Not just because of the good times, the great times, or the very best memories. But because of the hard times, the trials, the times that push and pull and hurt. The times that require sacrifice and selflessness. We aren't perfect at this, but that is what this life is for. You always get up and dust yourself off and try again. 

I want you to know that I believe is US. I believe in you. I have faith in you. Our children are destined for great things, and we have a job to do. I don't want to do it with anyone else. Ever. 

Our first year of forever.

So don't screw it up. Smile.

Just a few of the things that come to mind in this first year.

A truly magical wedding

Me moving-again

Two baptisms

Dealing with a loved one and mental illness

Dealing with loved ones and extra special needs

A company change

Seven kids activities, concerts, interests, mile stones all ages between 13-6

Tears

Sadness

Frustration

Disappointment

Haven't had a fight yet

Doctors

And more Doctors

Two surgeries

Illness

Service

Sacrifice

Faith, lots of faith

Prayer

Fasting

Lots of traveling, not the fun kind

Lots of laughter

Laughter till you cry

So much entertainment

Nine Happy Birthdays

Surprises

Loud dinners

Happy kids

Fun

Hugs

Kisses

Getting chubby

Lots and Lots of talking

Singing

Happiness

Love

Really just a few.

I Love You William.

Friday Letters

Dear Children, you have been good kids this week. Messy, but good. You were all so happy that Frozen finally went to the discount theater so we could go see it. Dear Valentines Day, I wasn't able to prepare anything like I usually do and I was feeling pretty bummed about it. I usually am excited about holidays making memories for my kids. I had an especially bad night before Valentines day. Will took the kids and made sure they all had what they needed for school. He had them come in before they left and they gave me valentines and then he got them off to school for me. (that can be a big job sometimes and not always easy) He has had to do that so much the last month. I didn't expect or need anything else, but he had also gotten me flowers and a card and a cover for the kindle. Since I had to spend the entire day in bed he stayed right there with me ALL day. He would help the kids and then come right back to be with me. Then he got take out and we watched a movie in bed. I loved it. Cause that is all I wanted was to just have time with him and just get to be together. It was the best. Dear Neighbors, you have a bunch of kids. And they just happen to be the same ages as ours and they seem to be pretty good kids so far. This has made our kids soooo happy! They spend all of their time outside playing together and have been so happy. Your kids will be in your yard yelling my girls names until they come out. So cute. Dear Emi, we are celebrating your birthday tomorrow, a little late. I can't believe you are 11! You are so special, we love you so much. Happy Birthday! Dear Will, tomorrow is our one year anniversary. We will spend it with 7 crazy kids running around, but we will be together. Thank you for all that you do to help care for me right now. It means so much to me. Dear Self, this recovery has taken it's toll on me. Physically and emotionally. I look forward to the day when I can just get up and walk around (normally, not 90 yr old lady like) and make dinner and clean the house. Without so much pain. Still, I am grateful to have this body to house my spirit so I can be here with my family. Even if I'm not at my best...or even close to it. After I have a good cry about the whole situation I can still see my blessing. So many blessings.

Friday Letters

                                                 
                                                        Love These People

Dear Children, you had a fun time with family this week. It was a surprise to leave town as soon as you got home from school. Dear Family, It was good medicine to spend the weekend with you. Even though doing almost nothing was still too much for me, I'm glad that I was able to entertain you with my hunched over old lady walking and moving...and brain. Thank You for helping me with my kids, they all cried when we left. Dear Mom, Hazel was stuck to your side for most of the time. She really enjoyed her time with you, it made her feel so special. Dear Drive Home, you took your toll. Big Time. I made it home, that's all that matters now that it's over. Dear B+D, I was so glad to get to go to Lincolns baptism! I wish I could have spent more time with you. I miss you guys! Dear Little Things, my favorite nail clippers have gone missing. I let my guard down. Never trust children. It's those little things in life like a really good pair of fingernail clippers that can make or break a day sometimes. Dear Valentines Day, I am not able to make it as great as I wish I could. Eh. It's just a day, right....right? Dear Awkward, sending "I Love you Camille" to the guy you just were assigned to home teach...that you've never met...in a text...I'm glad it wasn't me. He didn't get a reply. Dear Will, thank you for helping so much with everything. Taking the kids to get their valentines for school, feeding them, helping get them to school. I truly appreciate all that you do. Dear Self, I really don't have a lot to say to myself that is very constructive right now. Other than I need to remember what I know in my heart to be true. I'm never alone because I know the Lord loves me and I will always have worth to him. No matter what. Stay in today (this one is very very hard). I am stronger than I think I am. Remember all of my many blessings and all of the things that I am so grateful for. That will do for today.

For Someone I Love

I've done this, more than once. Even though it is so hard, it is so worth it.

Friday Letters

                                                         Hazel is hiding in the middle

Dear Children, I think you need your Mamma back. Dear House, I think you also need your Mamma back. Dear VT, thank you for bringing us dinner this week. Dear Hailey, I think you are too busy. I missed you cheering at a game, but I'm glad you had fun. Dear Avary, you are so excited to move up in your gym class. When I dropped you off you said it was because it was so much harder than your other one and jumped out of the car giggling. I am glad you enjoy the challenge. Dear Kade, it's been a rough week for you, lets make it a better weekend. Dear Hazel, you are perfectly fine missing your gym, stinker. You want to play all day. Dear Bed, you used to be sooo comfy. Now I just want to take a break from you for just an hour. Dear Pipes, this is NOT the time to be having huge problems! Dear Will, thank you for helping so much. Getting the kids to school and the countless other things you have done for me lately. Love You. Dear Self, taking the time to let my body heal is so hard. I am still in pain, but I can't stand to look around me and watch the to do list pile up so high it is going to bury me. This recovery, I can't really call it that yet, has taken it's toll and been so much harder in so many ways than I could have prepared myself for. I try to be patient, but the rest of life is not patient. It doesn't even slow down for a minute.

Monday

I've hit some bumps in the road called fever/infection. Hopefully the two antibiotics I'm taking will nix it.

It's Will's week to work late and the whole weekend. So I attempted to get up and do some motherly duties. Well, actually I got the little girls a snack when they got home from school, sat in the front room for 20 min. and had to go back to bed.

I tried again when I had to drive Hailey to cheer. I wasn't very excited to be driving, or out of bed for that matter. I did the Motherly thing and got Happy meals on the way home. I then received a call because I had forgotten to pick Hailey up.

I did sit in the front room while the kids ate and even choked down a few chicken nuggets. 

All of a sudden I was DONE. It just hit me and I had nothing left. So I had Hailey put my whites in the dryer and went to take a shower. I had also told Kaden to go take a shower. Two different sides of the house and two different water heaters I might add.

I was feeling faint before my shower so it didn't help when not even half way through my shower the drain just stops draining, and the toilet starts making weird sounds. And I hear yelling coming from the other bathroom. I didn't even get to run out of hot water!

I try and hurry through, but that's probably a snails pace to anyone else. Only to realize all of my whites are in the dryer and not dry yet. Through the door I find out that during Kade's shower the toilet flooded the bathroom. FLOODED, not overflowed, there is a difference. We have some bad pipes somewhere and there is no explanation as to why or when they won't drain. It can be infuriating.

 I somehow got Hailey to mop it up with towels and throw them in the wash? I'm still wondering how I got that to happen?

As soon as my clothes were dry I see a paper saying that tomorrow is class picture day...I'm not really sure how I kept myself from crying at this point. My body was pushed past the limit, sadly I know, but still. Emotionally I was just as limited I guess. I will do my best for picture day. Will my kids resent me when they are older? 

At this point everyone was in pj's so I climbed into my bed. Hazel brought me her homework, at 8:30pm. That's the perfect time for a kindergartner to do their homework, right?

She fell asleep next to me after asking what "bless my heart" means. Her teacher says that.

Avary came in and climbed under the blanket at my feet and fell asleep next to the clean socks.

I'll have Will move them to their own bed when he comes home.

Hailey and Kade both got tired and went to bed on their own.

Earlier Will sent me a text asking if I had survived so far. I told him that I could think of some bad words to describe the evening.

The kids were really pretty good.

The whole shower thing.....

It's funny how everything is a thousand times harder when your body doesn't feel well or is run down.

Well, here's to day 1 of...I don't know....how ever many days Will has to work late.

Moving On

Getting ready for surgery. My Mr. Clark was so good to me. He sat and held my hand the whole time. I'm glad cause I needed him, and he was there. Even though he had almost no sleep.

I've had surgery before, but this time I felt so scared and nervous. My fear was waking up to pain that was out of control. Throwing up after abdominal surgery is really bad. I've just had too much of it lately and I dare say I can't handle any more. We spent plenty of time explaining what drugs do and do not work on me. They doubled everything and I still had problems. When I'm laying in the operating room and everyone is staring at me waiting for me to fall "asleep" and nothing is happening...that didn't help my fear. Then they ask why I'm still awake and to go to sleep and I'm thinking, that's your job not mine.

They used the wrong medication and the wrong strength when I woke up so I had to face that fear. Although they did all they could to keep me from throwing up with a little patch and lots of other things in my IV and it worked. It took all day to get the pain under control, but the surgery part couldn't have gone better. I had the best nurses and of course my Mr. Clark, who made me feel better just by knowing he was with me.

I survived the whole ordeal.

Willie drove me home 3hrs and the next morning my Mom and Sis came and took care of me. I feel so lucky that they were able to do that for me. My only complaint is that they are funny and laughing and abdominal surgery aren't friends so I would try not to laugh just to end up sounding like a big weirdo. 

Now on to healing.

 Lets pretend that my kids are going to let me do that.

There's a better year ahead, I'm sure of it.