Source: thinknice.com via Camille on Pinterest

If you ever end up in bed with a migraine for 24hrs. you might wake up to things like this...

Very large Halloween banners taped above your bed...

that contain happy pictures that will give you good dreams?

And then when your 6 yr old tells you to go open the freezer this is what you will find.

I love my kids.

Friday Letters

my sis text me a cute pic of my niece and i sent her this creepy one of me reading my 9yr olds book. look there is even a battle vehicle on my pillow in the back ground. my life is so exciting.

Dear Children, if I had even half of your energy I would be wonder woman. Dear Headache, you took me out. All night and then all day, we missed church. I stayed in my bed with the curtains drawn, cotton stuffed in my ears, a towel over my eyes and waiting for the pain to stop. I had a talk with Hailey and Kade about being responsible and not fighting and taking care of the little girls because I could not get up. And not to make noise! I have no bedroom door and it's 800 sq ft so I heard every peep. They did awesome. Dear Hailey, I am very proud of how responsible you were when I needed you to be. You even wiped the table and swept the floor! Dear Avary, in a perfect world you would be a gymnast. In the last two weeks you sprained your thumb from the monkey bars, from going backwards. Have hands covered in blisters from anything you could possibly flip around or climb and I mean covered in blisters. And then while doing back flip on the chair??? You fell on the top of your head onto tile. Not a good sound. You have a huge bump on the top of your head and your regular forehead bump hurts and is swollen (why? you didn't even hit that spot?) After a visit to the Dr. you certainly have a concussion and you are having major neck pain. You are very upset that he said you cannot do anything that you would be upside down until you are better. Uumm...I didn't think that was such a crazy request, but you did. Somehow this didn't stop you from doing flips around the bench of the picnic table. Dear Bookfair, my children got my love of books. One book per child. And now we have absolutely no money. But a new book is always exciting. I even found myself reading Kade's book about Navy Seals, it was interesting.ha Dear Mom&Dad, I am excited that you are coming this weekend! That is always good news! Dear Physical Knee Therapy, you are going so great! This is my third round, but this place is doing completely different stuff and I notice a difference. Hope! And they make me laugh, that's always a plus. That's pretty much the extent of my social life. Ha. Dear Self, I am definitely a work in progress. I love how the scriptures help me to see my flaws and weaknesses, but feel hopeful and capable at the same time. They are like my best friend.

Alone Time

Avary and I NEVER get one on one time. 

Well, none of my kids really do, that is just our reality right now.

BUT! 

When I took Avary out of school for lunch while Hazel was at preschool we were alone.

I think I might start doing this with each of my kids, it's really the only way.

She made me laugh and we had fun.

As you can see she likes to make people laugh.

Kids view

This is what happens when children get your camera. 

This is what they want to capture.

Plus a whole lot more.

Love

I love my little boy.

Friday Letters

two hours of preschool can really take it out on you,

 especially when it's followed by an hour of screaming.

(her tattoo she got is of a bug, of all things, at least it says bug off)

Dear Children, I am looking forward to spending the weekend with you just relaxing. That's what you all want to do right? Dear Awkward, waiting for the kids to get out of school wearing my big hat and having a ginormous mutated grasshopper with bright red on it's back and bright green wings fly straight at my face and cling to my hat...I think you can imagine how that went. The teenage crossing guard was laughing at me while the kids went chasing it to save me until they got close enough to see it and then they ran away. I swear there is something in my blood that attracts bugs. I'm not joking. Dear Roach, I stepped on you in my closet. This is exactly why I wear old lady slippers, it saved my life. It would be to bad to lose a foot at a young age. Dear Memory, I struggled remembering what day it was multiple times a day all week. I even missed trash day because of it. Some times my memory issues concern me. On the bright side I was happily surprised when I remembered it was Friday! Dear Mom & Dad, I am so glad you came to visit. I promise next time you will not have to spend your whole time working on the shack. You told me that you can't remember the last time you saw me so happy and content. I might have to change the name from the roach shack to the love shack. The kids won't let go of shack, but for me it's my nest. Dear Dad, I knew you were in trouble when the bishopric was tracking you down at my house. I will be praying for you more now that you are a part of that bishopric and pray that it doesn't affect you coming to visit me. Thank You for You and Mom's example my whole life of being 150% devoted and dependable in your callings to serve the Lord. Dear Crappy, having two gallons of water spill in the back on the way home from the store. It made it smell real nice the next day. eww. Dear Hazel, I miss you while you are at preschool. And I am sad that you chipped your front tooth while on your field trip to the park. You didn't even say anything until I noticed. Dear Neighbor, that lives around the corner. You are a sweet little grandma that comes out to chat with me while we wait at the bus stop. You walked all the way over to my house to show me some pictures of your great grandson and Hazel. You said I could call you Shirley or Jane and I could choose. Ha! Dear RS meeting, they did speed friendship with a train theme. I highly recommend this activity. Anyone that had lived in the ward for 10yrs or more sat on one side and everyone else sat on the other and only one side rotated. 3 min. each. I got to meet so many people. And I found even MORE distant relatives! The down side, now I am even in more trouble with remembering names. I was surprised by how many of them had been divorced, it makes me so sad. Dear Thatcher, I love the people here. I have been getting to know the crossing guard by my house, seeing how we cross paths four times a day. Today he was telling me about the star on his hat that he earned in Vietnam and how it was hard because he had to kill 9 people that were shooting at him. And how he plays the saxophone and has won awards for that and marching band. He applied to teach in the music program at the college and the public schools because "he's still got it going on" ha! He was sharing all of his talents and then said "they think I'm old and will only place me as a crossing guard" I'm ok with that because all of the kids love him and he yells at all of the cars that don't stop "what, you trying to kill me?" I said it must be because you need military training just to get the kids across the main road. I love old people, talking to them is like reading a very interesting book. smile.
Dear Self, every day I feel so much gratitude. It has been a stronger feeling than all the other hard things in life. It is a gift.

Separation Anxiety

Hazel had her first day of Preschool.

And At the same time the first time I have ever put my child on a bus.

She was excited but nervous. I was just plain terrified.

The aides kept telling me "she is fine, she's doing great" Is that code for let me shut the bus door?

she picked out her whole outfit the night before

Luckily Avary had an appointment and I bought her a hamburger and Ice cream for lunch and didn't take her back to school until it was time to pick Hazel up from the bus.

Hazel didn't seem too happy when she got off the bus.

When I went to hug her she tried to hit me with her backpack.

I wanted to yell "what did you do to my baby"!!

We walked home and she wouldn't talk the whole way home.

I guarantee she hadn't said a word to anyone since she got on the bus two hours earlier.

I got her to finally tell me about her day and she said it was fun and she has two friends, but that the bus gave her a headache and she wanted to lay her head down on the way home.

And then she had a meltdown because we didn't have any waffles.

It was an hour past her normal lunchtime. 

And the first time in her life she has been away from me in that way.

 I admit we went to the store and got waffles.

Afterwards she drew pictures and cut them out for her teacher. That's good, that means she likes her.

This is one of the hardest things for me. I want to be the one to drop her off and pick her up. I worry about her the whole time. Not to mention my baby is turning 5 and I don't want to move on to this stage of life. Nooooo! This is such a hard transition.

There are plenty of people who laugh at me because it's only 2 hours three days a week, but it is so hard!

She is lucky I didn't cry.

I'll save that for the first day of kindergarten. 

Boys

Kade sat on the couch outside the bathroom for an hour.

What might he be doing you ask?

Charging for the use of the bathroom.

And making sure no one gets past him.

He even put his own nickle in so that everyone will think you must pay.

You should have seen the look on his face when I went to the bathroom, it was the most excited , hopeful face you could imagine. I just laughed.

He didn't make any money.

Poor guy.

Later he had a run in with a scooter and the sidewalk.

His battle scar.

He only screamed and yelled as if the world was ending rolling around on the ground.

The sidewalk won.

Papa

I think Grandpa's can fall asleep anywhere, anytime.

Avary was in heaven.

BearBear and Papa.

I think her Papa just might be her favorite person.

Well, we all love Papa.

Source: schoengeistig.tumblr.com via Camille on Pinterest

Sometimes

Sometimes I am lonely.

I love the way life is right now, if I stay in today.

Being here with my children, having a routine, having a sense of peace and the spirit in our home.

Walking them to school early in the morning, being with Hazel and running the house during the day.

Walking to pick the kids up from school and helping them with their homework, hearing about their day, loving them , being here. Thanking the Lord for every day I get to be at home with them and that they know I will be here for them when they need me. Which with four is every minute. Ha.

I love putting my clean babies to bed and tucking them in and singing them a song and watching them fall asleep.

But then...I am lonely.

I clean and study and read and never get enough sleep.

It's different than having someone there ignoring you, it's not as lonely as that, but I still wish I had an adult to talk to. Not just any adult, one that I could talk about the kids and all the things that go along with them. You know all the things that people aren't really interested in hearing about. I wish I had someone who wanted to hear about our day and all the things rolling around in my brain that I have been pondering during my scripture study, all the things I am learning. Just to be able to share all of my thoughts, the kind you can't really share here. With an adult. And I mean an adult that would actually care about what I have to say. I think that person is non existent, ha.  It's hard having very limited adult interaction and it's not that kind of interaction. And sometimes it's lonely.

I am grateful for right where we are in life right now. I can actually breathe. And I know we are right where we should be and I am able to focus on the kids which they desperately need right now.

I wouldn't trade the way things are right now to not be lonely. But, you know, sometimes it is.

Friday Letters

Dear Children, the weeks are flying by. I wish it would slow down. Dear Briana, I was thinking of you a lot this week on your birthday. Love you. I think it is strange that when I am thinking of you my Avary always has been thinking of you too and will bring you up. Dear C&S Flake, thank you for having us over for dinner and playing games with us. The kids had so much fun. They seemed so happy and felt very comfortable the whole time we were there. You are kind souls, I know because Avary said she has new friends, you know that girl and boy. She always calls kind people girls and boys. Dear J Flake, thank you for stopping by and giving us two frozen meals and a chocolate pie. I am still always surprised when people think of us. Having Flake blood is paying off. Dear Kade, you brought home your progress report. 101% in math, 100% in science, and four B+. Including a B+ in spelling!!! You then told me you don't try in school anymore and there is a girl that is evil in your class...that's ok I'm still super proud of you! Dear Avary, It makes me proud of you to see how concerned you are about your friend at school and how you try and take care of him, he is in every prayer you say. Dear Hailey, at the town fun you brought every friend you saw from school over to meet me and then avoided me like the plague. Um this confuses me a little. I am going to pretend that you are not embarrassed by me. Dear Pediatrician, you were so kind and acted completely normal ignoring the fact that my kids were literally nuts bouncing off the walls while trying to talk to you. Dear Bikes, Kade's tire is flat, the same tire. And Avary's chain fell off on the way home from school. I have no shame in admitting I let an 8yr old fix it for me. Dear Mom & Dad, we are excited that you are coming to see us tomorrow! Dear Hazel, we have been playing board games together. An hour of Sequence for kids with you is entertaining, you have quite the competitive streak in you and even resort to accusing me of stacking the deck. But watching you overflow with giggles when you get a card you like is worth it. Dear Thatcher, you had a carnival of sorts on 9/11 with remembrance of those affected. It was funny to see how this little town works. Everything was .25 and the games were free. The kids ran wild with their friends and had so much fun. The fire Dept. took a car apart and then had a big fire pit that they let the kids use an extinguisher on. Funny. I like that they have these activities. Dear Awkward, having my window open a crack and having the hugest moth thingy(they attack me) fly in my car and then beat against my window trying to get out while I am trying to scramble to roll the window down kind of freaking out.  The problem with this is I had just let Kade out of the car for scouts so they were all outside watching me swerve all over the place. I make a fool of myself on a regular basis. Dear Bugs, I am pretty sure we have a problem with those small really bad roaches that are in my nightmares. I never thought I would live in a house where I can't even count how many dead roaches I have found. And pick the dead ones up with toilet paper and flush them. The kids say mom there is a roach in the most casual way and don't even stop what they are doing. What is the world coming to? Dear Self, having patience with myself is very hard. I am learning to love myself despite my many, many flaws.

Movin Up Series

We are slowly movin up in the world of shack living...kind of.

Before Front Door

After, but not finished

This door is very small, compare to the door next to it. 

This door is literally my height 5'6 and the ceilings are already low.

It floods under it, hence the towel.

Who uses the word (hence)? Ha

Before Back Door

Back Door outside view.

Isn't it pretty.

Behind that wood is bricks of mud and straw.

I'm serious.

New Door

I was crossing my fingers he wouldn't leave it like this.

Notice the hole under the door.

Outside

He did leave it like this.

The finished but not (my finished) door.

We actually have a normal size door!!!

Chalk Board Door

Before. This is a small door.

After

I am so glad I decided to do this, the kids love it. And I love seeing all the things they draw and their creativity.

 This was just the first day, every day there is a whole door covered in their art.

I love it!

New...to me

 Oh, come on now. This doesn't look dangerous at all. Yes, I see that gas pipe right there, but I'm sure that piece of wood will keep it from falling over.

It's caving in on it's self on the bottom and the side is split open and there is water pouring out? Well it still kind of heats the water...kind of..when it scalds you and then freezes you.

But I will gladly take this used, new to me, water heater instead. 

We are moving up in the world.

There's no where to go but up. Smile.

doing little things

Source: dancinthemoonlight.tumblr.com via Camille on Pinterest

Friday Letters

Dear Children, I love it when you are all getting along and laughing together, it makes me happy. Dear Hazel, you knew you had the power when you got a pack of gum. You had all the kids sitting around you at the table asking for a piece. You sat there making them do what ever you wanted, which was asking for it in a man voice, woman voice, squeaky voice, scared voice, ect. They all did it too, until you finally yelled "that is enough" and gave them each one. And then you all sat there chewing it together. It was funny. It's amazing what a kid will do for a piece of gum. Dear September, what? how in the world is it already September? I am interested to see what the weather is like here in the fall. Dear Kaden, I let you pick your own shirt for picture day. What?!! And then I let you ride to school with out your helmet so you wouldn't mess up your hair. What?! But then I had to walk to your school because you forgot your picture money.You loved me that day. Dear Testimony, I shared you in church on Sunday. I got up before I thought it through, didn't trip, didn't cry, sat down and had no idea what I said. That is a success for me. Dear Yard Work, I remember you...with weeds as tall as my waist because, well, I water them every time I do laundry. It was really hot and I sweated so much I got dehydrated. I got dehydrated because I wouldn't stop in the middle, I just wanted it done. I spent the rest of the day drinking water with a massive headache and feeling super sick, laying on my bed thinking it would help. It didn't. But I did get the backyard...better and the front...better? I turned an ugly bush into a tree and cut down a another ugly bush and found a dead rose bush behind it. But someone at church commented on the front so... Dear Awkward, buying those address stickers for the front of the house and sitting there for ten minutes making sure I knew my address, getting home and realize I in fact do not know my address and got the wrong numbers. I'm a smart one! Dear Chalkboard Door, you are awesome! Other than the chalk dust everywhere. And super easy. Dear Knees, you HURT. Dear New Back Door, you actually have a window. I love it. I love the door not the big hole of missing concrete under the door into the house. Mustache duct tape can be used for anything. Dear Labor Day, the high light of the day, a trip to the dollar store. We are super exciting over here. Dear Thunder Storm, I loved you. Hailey on the other hand hates thunder so I knew we would be getting some alone time with her until it passed. It was a good thing. Dear Leaks, I was wrong. There are a few leaks. A huge crack over the front door, one over the kitchen table and the new door still leaks underneath it. That is all so far...that I noticed. Dear Scorpion, you make my skin crawl. It is always unsettling to see something run across the floor. Sitting up with Hailey in the kitchen you ran about an inch away from her foot. She is lucky she didn't get stung. I was lucky to at least know you were there, but it was really hard to smash you and flush you. Hailey was standing on a chair. I seem to be the brave one now. Dear People Who Call Me, I am sorry I talk your ears off. I am alone all day with only children. When there is an adult to talk to I seem to I take advantage of it. Call at your own risk. Dear Self, I made it through another week. I wish I could stop time for awhile.

A 4yr Old's Prayer

Please bless me that I can sleep good, bless me that my throat won't hurt, bless my head to stop hurting, bless my pinky to not hurt, bless me to stop whining and crying all the time, bless me that I won't fall off my bike anymore, bless me that I won't get into mom's drawer stuff, bless me not to get into the food, bless me to not be scared to go in the kitchen and get food by myself, bless me to be able to see dad again, bless me to not be afraid of bears, (me- thank you for...) bless me to not be scared of dead bird's, bless me to not be scared of lizards, bless me not to be scared to touch the stink bugs, bless me not to be scared of the bathroom, bless me not to be scared to go down the slide, bless me not to be scared of the monkey bars, bless me to not get my fingers eaten by birds, bless me to not be scared of the fence, bless me to not be scared to go in the other room by myself, (me again- thank you for...) long pause...bless me not to have bad dreams, bless me to not be afraid to climb trees, bless me to not get hurt, bless moms knees so she can carry me everywhere........amen.

It was long and slow

She said "that was a long prayer" Me- Hazel what are you thankful for" Hazel- uhhhh? Me "are you thankful for your bike? H-" yeah!" with a smile. M- "are you thankful for the chalkboard, your shoes, flowers, trees, food, your toys? H- " I love the chalkboard and I like to pick flowers and...some food...and not flipflops and I don't like trees and not dead birds but I like my toys"

I was thinking my poor little girl has some major anxiety and is scared of everything! I don't want her to live like that. The only time she has expressed her fears so clearly is in her prayers. Obviously she acts scared all of the time, but I am glad she can finally say it and not scream it. I wonder what must go on in heard little head all the time. On the other hand how in the world do I help her over come her fear of...well, everything.

Old Lady Knees

After oh about...15years!!!! I finally went to the knee specialist. I have had a cyst in the back of my knee for at least that long and thought that was the cause of all my knee troubles. I was thinking cut me open and take it out!!! My knees hurt that bad. Burning, giving out, swelling, sqeeky sponge bob sounds, not being able to bend them or unbend them without major pain, aching. Two rounds of PT Yeah I sound like an old lady. That's just one part of my body.

Well, the Dr. said the cyst is not the cause of my problems and to just leave it there. I guess I pretty much have no cartilage under my knee cap. nice.

Although, he said he was pretty confident with the cortisone shots and a prescription anti  inflammatory he thinks he can help the pain and I can do yoga and run again. That would be nice. 

I said well shoot em up!! So he did. I admit it did hurt, but I didn't blink an eye I was so hopeful.

I should have shown you how long that needle was! And where is all that going to go!

This was one of two.

I went grocery shopping on the way home. The longer we were there the slower I got...Hazel pushed the cart for me.

I just tried to keep walking and moving because I didn't want them to freeze up on me. We went on a walk, then walked to get the kids from school, cleaned blah blah. By 4pm I had to finally sit down and not move. I actually sat on the couch and watched Shrek with my kids, I don't do that, It's really hard for me to sit and watch a whole movie. Especially a cartoon.

(And by the way Shrek is really funny. But I do not think it is funny for my kids to watch it, no wonder no one has any manners! Half the time I see bits and pieces but not the whole thing. Bad words, completely crude. It's horrible all of that is in a kids movie. I on the other hand admit I did laugh. And then realized I didn't want my kids to see me laughing at that and only laughed in my head and made sure to tell them why it was not funny. I am a wonderful example, I should have turned it off. But my knees remember.)

I said "My Knees Hurt"!! and Hazel said "mom can you not say that during the movie"? I sat there for the whole movie. And then forced myself to get up and moving again, I can't say that it helped. They seriously hurt!!! It was still worth it because I have my heart set on this working. But I hope they stop hurting this bad really soon.

My kids thought I was so brave, they all hate shots, and two of them actually freak out and panic. So I took a picture of it. I can't say they were overly concerned about me though, they were more excited about what I may be able to do if it works. Me too!

Something about a small town - The first thing he said to me when he came in was "I enjoyed your testimony on Sunday" Ha, he is in my ward. He also knew Avary because he had taught her class. He spent more time talking with me about life than about Dr. stuff and wanted to know if I needed anything. People are so nice here, it is so refreshing. And he has a young daughter named Camille, it was all meant to be. Haha

Love this

Hailey's new obsession. I'm ok with this one.

Rosemary Bread, less is more

                                

I hate it when you go to make something like rosemary bread and then realize you are missing 1/3 of the ingredients. 

I like to follow the recipe for the most part. If it's good don't mess with it.

If it's not...well I usually just find a new recipe.

 But this time I got lucky.

The yeast was all ready to go so I had to just make it anyway.

So I made some changes. I even ground up the rosemary since the kids don't like to see it, which means they don't like to eat it.

It was so yummy, light and fluffy.

I actually love the recipe better missing 1/3 of the ingredients.

Here is the new recipe. 

Yummier Rosemary Bread

1 c. warm water

1 1/2 tsp. white sugar

1 1/2 tsp yeast

1 1/2 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

1 tbl ground rosemary

2 1/2 c. flour

3 tbl olive oil

make like any bread

375* 25-30 min.

it's good with butter or dip in olive oil with pepper

And then try and share.

never lose youself

Source: tumblr.com via Camille on Pinterest

Small Panic Attack

We have had quite a few dead roaches, some half alive ones and now.....

Imagine for a moment that you are about to step into the shower and you see a roach run right under the door, around, and then start to climb the wall.

There is no where to run because the bathroom is the size of a closet. You can't run out because, well, you were about to get in the shower and you really just aren't hot enough to do that and you will end up scarring your children for life.

What would you do? Oh, and we should add that you have a serious phobia an honest disorder when it comes to roaches. The kind where you joke about it, but only because you are about to cry and you don't want to get into the ugly cry in front of people and them think you are nuts.

Yeah.

I didn't scream...I said aloud "don't freak out don't freak out don't freak out". I decided I had to kill it.

I was going to use my slipper, the only thing around, but honestly couldn't bring myself to throw my favorite slipper away. So I got an empty shampoo bottle out of the trash and smacked it.

I had to flush it.

And then clean it's all of it's guts off the wall.

And throw up in my mouth a little.

It was not a good shower.

I had mosquito bites all over from doing yard work, so every tiny thing made me jumpy and think there was a roach on me. I had a million thoughts running through my head. How many more got in. How many did I not see and where are they now. How did they get past my force field of poison. Where is the breech. Oh maybe it's where the land lord make a whole in the wall to the family room or hallowed out part of the back wall just open to the world saying come lay eggs in these walls look they are open just for bugs! And then left it that way for the weekend! What if there is one on my towel. What if there is one.just.outside.of.the.shower.curtain. or worse in.my.bed. They climb walls.

It took all of my super powers to control my thoughts and try to just decide it's over now and push it out of my head. All while my heart is racing and I want to have a panic attack. Actually I am repeatedly having to do this and am surprised I did not die.

On the other hand any one who has witnessed what happens when I see those evil things will agree that this is a small step for mankind, but a huge step for...me. I mean I should get a medal. Or money.

I have a feeling I am going to have some bad dreams tonight. If I sleep at all.