Friday Letters

now this is talent, that is a skateboard by the way, on a rug, in heels

Dear Children, it has been a long week for all of you. Not feeling that well doesn't help much. Dear Hailey, you have been practicing your violin and it isn't torturous. It's actually sounding good. But 2 hrs. figuring out how to play the star wars theme is a little much don't you think...just imagine. Dear Hazel, you qualified for the preschool that I think will help you the most. I am so relieved, until I think of having to put you on a bus, then I panic. You told Avary "I get to ride a bus...and I don't even know what a bus is"!! Dear Life, you are precious and fragile. So many dumb things that don't matter get in the way of being grateful for every single day you get to be with the people you love, weather they are good or bad days, it doesn't matter. I am so grateful for my children and that I get to see their faces every day. Dear B&W, I love you and I love your kids. I am so grateful for miracles. I am here no matter what you need. Dear Avary, every time you hit your head you hit the same spot on your forehead, right where you've had stitches. You got yet another bump and you told me "mom I think I must be carma" Ha you make me laugh. Dear Computer, Hazel had a melt down and was pounding on the key board. Now the back ground and task bar and all that stuff is stuck on black or white no matter what I do. This is VERY frustrating. Dear Missionaries, you came and saved the day or saved our flat tires and gave us some good company. Thank You! It's not every day someone comes to your door and insists on serving you, I can usually talk other people out of it. We won't tell you that Kade's tire went flat the next day. Dear Kade, you can't seem to get a break. You forgot your backpack (extra trip home), got hit in the face with the kickball, had to walk your bike home with a flat, and now have a cold/flu. You yelled "curse this blasted day"!! out the front door. Yes this was just one day. But then you had scouts and went to bed happy enough. Until the next day. Dear Awkward, we are on a 5 month waiting list to see a certain Specialist, they must be good. And for some reason I ate a bowl of ice cream?...I don't know why I thought it would be good, I still don't really like ice cream. I guess I was just making sure. Dear Self, sometimes the issues are so overwhelming and draining, but I am soaking up every moment I get to be home with my kids and enjoying their ages so much.

?

Really..............?

How to fix a flat

these weeds on the right are almost as tall as the washer and covered in thorns.

The missionaries showed up at our door today.

Insisting that I let them do something to help us. The kids were begging to let them pull the weeds in the back yard. Not a chance, that is a great consequence. And some how it just didn't seem right to do that to them.

They were pretty set on doing something so I had them fix ALL the flat tires on the bikes.

Ha! I thought this was awesome for me. They talked with us for awhile because, well, there were a lot of flat tires.

So the Lord loves me And maybe I'm not cursed after all. Remember sometimes the Lord answers your needs through others helping you. Smile.

Uumm...

I spoke too soon.

This is Kade's flat, the one that I fixed, remember.

And now Avary has a flat too.

I think I am cursed when it comes to bikes.

Flats

If you asked me to change a flat tire on a car I could do it.

If you asked me to change a flat tire on a bike? I am lost.

I didn't grow up with a bike, I know nothing about them. 

I can ride one, but I didn't get a bike until I was 31 years old.

And then Hailey stole it.

So when Hailey's bike got a flat tire and Kaden's bike got a flat tire the nagging began.

When the pump didn't fix it I knew I was doomed.

But, I figured it out. And I fixed it!

At least it is still fixed at the moment.

The flat on my jogging stroller? I attempted, but I have no idea how to get the wheel off and I lost all patience and confidence after 15 minutes of trying.

So, I just take the pump everywhere.

Either way, I now know how to fix a flat on a bike.

sacrifice investment

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Friday Letters

hazel decided she needed to clean Every polly, no objections here!

Dear Children, you have been cranky this week. And you have come close to getting your mouth washed our with vinegar. It's ok I still love you to pieces. Dear Angels, I thought maybe i must be doing better since the Lord didn't send anyone to my door on Sunday. But they were just running late, they came. And I got a phone call that I didn't get to return. I am so amazed at these people's kindness. They stayed and talked with me for a very long time, someone who understands my heartache, who I had never met before, that just showed up at my door. How could I ever think that the Lord doesn't hear my pleas and cries to Him. He does. And He is making sure I know it. Dear Hazel, it was so nice of you to share your sickness and headache and cough with me. It was bound to happen since we share a bed and you like to breathe on my face. Dear Big Brother, I know you don't like attention. I understand that. But I didn't even know you thought of me, you are so busy. It meant so much to me, it made me cry and made my kids overly excited and so happy. THANK YOU! I love you.
Dear Fam, I hope you guys have fun at your ward camp out. I hate to miss it, it was kind of a tradition. I bet you will sleep way better minus my four loud kids. Dear Splitting Headache, I can't take it anymore. It has been a week long headache that wakes me from my sleep, I am so exhausted. I need relief, chopping my head off like a chicken sounds good about now. Dear Sherrie, I love talking with you. You are one of my best friends. I love you. Dear Kade, you had a hard week. In one day you got a flat tire on your bike, got chased by a dog and girls and lost your favorite halo guy on the play ground. Then you had homework, there were some tears. But then they had scouts! Dear Flu, at least I assume that is what I have. Some kind of respiratory flu. It's like a bad head cold and cough, but waaayy worse. After over a month of not being able to breathe before I moved more respiratory problems are not exactly welcome. And I am out of kleenex. And I have a blister on my finger from getting burned when straightening Hailey's hair. And when I went out side to do laundry there was a roach on the washer. Some how that makes the flu worse. Dear Rain, I love a cloudy, rainy day sometimes. Add some thunder in there too. It's more fitting when you are sick. I am grateful that so far we do not have any leaks, seeing how it looks like we are missing the roof. Oh wait, water pours in under the back door, is that a leak? Dear Self, I hate being sick, but I have survived the week.

Big Brother

Thank You for believing in me. It means more than I can even say.

 Sister necklaces with their initials on them. Because your sisters are your best friends.

 Genius

I catch him everywhere with this. And it helps him calm down when he is way too upset.

And something to bring tears to my eyes. I am now part of a special club! A work your behind off club!

Thank you for supporting me.

I love You!

Home is where your Heart is

This is what makes me happy.

Being home with the kids. Being there when they wake up. Walking them to school in the morning is the perfect way to start the day. Being home with Hazel all day listening to her talk and sing.

Walking to pick the kids up from school.

I want to be here with them. I Know where they are and what they are doing, I'm here when they are happy and when they are crying, when they are hurt and when they are crazy.

I want to be the one to feed them and care for them, to know them and teach them and watch them grow. Tucking them into bed at night, knowing which primary song they want me to sing to them. And they know I will be here when they wake up, no matter what time that happens to be.

I cherish this time right now, there is no where else in the world that I would rather be. And there isn't anything that matters to me as much as being with my children. I wish I could stay here, at home with my kids, forever.

I wish I could do all the other things because I wanted to, because I had time when they didn't need me there, not because I had to.

For the first time in a long time, years, I feel like we have a home. Who knew it would be a little old shack off the highway. Smile.

stressed lately?

this...

+ this corner of the door jam...

= this

When I am really stressed I get clumsy and trip on huge toys in the walkway. I caught my whole body weight on my arm on the corner of the door jam and it....hurt.

 I actually was thinking to my self "I just broke my arm"!!

Then I thought I was acting like my kids, you know how every time they fall it's like "I broke my leg"!!!!

So, I used all my generic curse words to curse that dang toy! This bruise was instant, it will probably get a lot uglier when it spreads and turns green,

The next day my whole arm was killing me I couldn't even bend my wrist, it just kept throbbing. I've never broken a bone so I don't know how that feels, but I was thinking it felt like that.

I went and got an x-ray and had to tell my embarrassing story. I felt better when the nurse told me she tripped over her kids bike and thought she broke her knee cap.

My arm is not broken, thankfully! Apparently I have bones of steel cause I'm telling you I really crashed into that door jam, those things are lethal.

It still hurts.

My Mom told me she forgot to warn me about that about tiny houses, if you ever trip and fall you aren't going to hit the ground, you're going to crash into something.

Oh, and I'm not saying it's all because of the toy...but when I made my kids a pizza in our oven that doesn't cook the middle I tried to broil it for 3 minutes and it came out looking burned, BUT it WAS"NT. It was TOASTED!

When I tried to get it out of the oven, on tin foil, it fell on the floor.

Toasted side up.

Plus I didn't mention I had a migraine.

The kids said it was good and ate the whole thing.

Stuff happens.

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Friday Letters

Dear Children, you made it through your first week of school! And so did I. I am amazed at how you all handle adult things in your childhood. I'm so proud of all of you. Dear Church, the first week there was no one there, everyone was on vacation. The second week there was 2 returned missionaries so it was overflowing. Who knows what size our ward really is. Dear Thatcher, we came here alone, but we have been anything but alone. Every day sometimes twice a day someone from the ward or a friend of a friend comes to our door checking on us making sure we are ok and don't need anything, offering their help. I am amazed at how kind and thoughtful everyone has been.  Dear Mom & Dad, I am glad you came to see us. Thanks for fixing all of those little things I needed help with. We feel spoiled and rich now that we have a microwave and toaster. The kids were happy the rest of the night, they must have needed some love from Grammy and Papa. Dear Home Teacher & Wife, you came and talked for a long time and are so welcoming and kind. Thank You. Dear Sis, I hope you had a great birthday. Being the awesome person that I am I completely forgot until I was looking at the calender and realized I already missed it. I will make it up to you somehow...I love You! Dear Music, you are therapy for me. Time to have everything else quiet and just feel. I wish I had some musical talent to share. Dear Avary, my tough little girl. I'm so sorry you were so sick right before school started. It kills me when I can't take your pain away. You are a perfect patient and now you have BearBear. You told me that you think they put something in your juice to make you go to sleep. Dear House/Shack, whenever a truck drives past the house the whole house shakes. Good thing the whole town goes to bed by 10:00pm. Dear Phone, it took me four hours to get you to work. Calls, emails, and an hour and a half borrowing the neighbors phone. I will forever be on roaming. Dear Self, in some areas of my heart I have gone numb. I can't put my feelings into words anymore, they just can't be described. This is where I am so grateful for the Lord because He hears my heart.

Bathroom...

Before...

the picture just doesn't do it justice and this was after it was scrubbed down. Roaches, animal hair, no ventilation, sewer smell.

 A lot of bleach, a little paint, a new toilet...

 And our own things.

School Again

Today was the 1st day of school for the kids.

Hailey was up at 6:00am on the dot which means so was I.

I spent half the night in the ER with Avary trying to get her fever under 103.5. It had been that high with Motrin and Tylenol and cool showers for over 24 hours. Her heart rate was way too high and she was dehydrated  Poor thing was so lethargic. I never like going to the ER, but there is one urgent care here and they don't take our insurance and I couldn't get her into a Dr. being new to town. Apparently those things take time. All I needed was to get her fever down and I didn't want her to miss the first week of school. It took high doses and a long time to get her heart rate down and fever to break 103. When we got home she was exhausted, but so excited to start school that she wanted a prayer asking for her fever to just go away so she could go to school. I was thinking, it's possible but pretty unlikely. We said a prayer and her fever didn't come back. She woke up so ready to go! Not exactly how I wanted to spend our night before school started.

        not our best 1st day of school picture

The day went pretty fast. Hazel and I ran a ton of errands. I have noticed if there is much noise she quits talking and starts screaming instead because she talked ALL day long until we went to get the kids.

It's nice walking to school, but it is still hot out. And waiting for Hailey for 45 min. outside in the sun isn't really going to work. We will have to work something out. By the time we got home everyone was so cranky and hot. And I guess Jr. High automatically comes with attitude, who knew? 

Overall I think they had a good day, but I am ready for it to be over. We haven't even had dinner yet.

if there ever comes a day

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My Little Man

My boy is 9. It amazes me how fast time goes. I love this boy!

He has wanted to go to sun splash for years so we finally went.

The Birthday Boy doing what boys do.

 He wanted a Halo party (he is NOT allowed to play the game, but he loves the little toy guys) I got him to compromise with a solder guy party since he is obsessed.

I think his favorite part was lighting his own candles. Ha.

I love my little boy. My favorite boy in the whole world.

Friday Letters

i thought this was so funny, hazel held his had like this forever

Dear Children,You are starting school next week. I think we are all a little nervous, it will be very different than what we are used to. Dear Progress, we can finally shut the back door, which means we can finally lock the back door. Now I don't have to put the doll house in front of it every night. We can now take a warm shower instead of an ice shower, have you ever tried to shave your legs in reallly cold water? I have a light in our bedroom now and I even have a garbage can! And believe it or not we have some silverware! Up next I think it would be nice to be able to lock the bathroom door. I don't think we will ever be able to shut it to shower, we might drown or pass out or something. Dear Thatcher, found a park with soft green grass, a big beautiful tree and the gorgeous mountains to look at. And a bench. I might like this. Dear Avary, I was sitting next to you and you tooted really loud. Someone said "eeww who did that" you pointed to me and said "it was her". You were so casual about it, you little stinker! Dear Ward, my Bishop seems really nice, thank goodness. And apparently there are some Flake's in my ward, distant relatives that I've never met, but acted like we must be family. Ha, it's a small world. Dear Ward Swim Party, I had planned on hiding out in my house, heaven forbid socializing. But my kids had other ideas and so do some of the women in the ward who have been so nice...not letting me be antisocial. The kids had fun and I got to talk to some nice gals. Dear B&B, Thank You for caring enough to call me and for looking out for me from so far away. You are a reminder that I am not alone. Dear Olympics, I didn't get to see not one event. Because we don't get even one channel. Dear Hailey, we got your schedule for school, you are growing up too fast! Now you want to do a triathlon in a few weeks with no preparation. I think bad idea, you think good idea. Dear Dust Storm, fyi lip gloss is not a good idea when a huge random dust storm hits. Either is a window unit. Dear Trash Day, I missed you...we will see what the damage is on Monday. Dear Land Lord, you came and told me you bought tile if I can find someone to put it in. This is good news, it will make things seem so much cleaner. And in a couple of months you are going to put a real back door on instead of a miniature one. Dear Mom&Dad, I am excited to see you this weekend. Hopefully you will notice a difference in the house. Dear Hazel, we need a preschool for you! How are you going to go to all day kindergarten next year without it?! Dear Self, I can do hard things.

Which one would you rather put your dishes in?

Mystery yuckiness... 

Or fresh and clean?

I've had to put so much work into this little shack. All of the cupboards and drawers had dead bugs, dog hair and a gross smell.

I can finally put things away in the kitchen.

Well, except for two scary small spice cupboards. I don't want to stick my arm in there.

Now the land lord is teasing me telling me he might buy some tile if I put it in.

And Then...

my new spot

So...I never said what happened the next morning. Remember we lived through the night?
Remember I hurt my back and couldn't stand up?

I very distinctly remember telling my kids that EVERYONE is a stranger and they shouldn't answer the door no matter what because I literally could not get up much less move.

So of course when someone knocks they answer the door. My bed is right next to the front door and the kids are yelling "MOM someone is here for you". AAAAHHHHH!!!!! It made me mad. I could not move to get dressed so I was wearing a nightgown, making yelling pain sounds as I tried to get off my bed and come shuffling out of my room. It's like five steps away. If you've never really hurt your back you will not understand and just think I am dumb. If you have then you know...YOU KNOW!

I come out looking like I rolled out of a dumpster, except I was clean and smelled like lavender lotion. But if you've seen my real hair which is a fro, then you know. I was covered in huge bruises from moving and had black circles under my eyes. My kids were chowing down on the cereal. It was lunch time after all.

It was the neighbors two doors down coming to say hi, dressed all nice from church. I promised them that we do not normally look like this. I don't know if they believe me or not considering the house I just moved into. They were so nice though. They seemed concerned and asked if they could take the kids to their house to play so I could rest. UUHhh....yeah they don't know me. Ha! I have known you for ten minutes. But it was super nice of them to even care enough to offer. The whole time the kids are interrupting telling them we don't have any food, we don't have any money, we don't have anything, we have roaches, can we go to their house? SSHHH! We live in this house they know we are poor. We had a nice little talk about answering the door and interrupting and sharing personal information that is embarrassing and you just don't tell people. Well, it probably wasn't a very nice conversation. I went back to bed and I have no idea what the kids did. Then they show up again at dinner time with dinner for us. And then I get a call from the RS president checking to see if we are ok. Ha. I explained, I think she believed me, maybe.

The next day more of the same, me stuck in bed in pain. Brittany brought us dinner and watched my kids for me, but I have known her for like 11 years. It paid off because I was slowly able to get up that afternoon.

Then I got in the car to go turn on the hot water and the van battery was dead, I mean dead. So Brittany's Wes came and saved me by spending forever digging my battery out of the car, it was a pain and picking up a new one for me. Hot water or a working car? We had to forego the hot water because we were leaving the next morning to go to Mesa for the kids to see Ric.

So this is pretty much how things have gone so far. I had a completely unrealistic picture in my mind of moving and things being peaceful and relaxed and falling into place. Next the poo hit the fan and still is. I will spare you.

I am blessed. I have four beautiful crazy children who love me and fight over me, who sleep in my bed and I get to wake up to their faces every day. I have a home for us. I know my Heavenly Father and I know He loves us. He Loves us. In so many ways I have everything.

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Friday Letters

Dear Children, you are so confused and don't know what to feel. One minute you are ok and curious and the next in tears. I am so sorry, I would do anything to protect your hearts. It broke mine when you asked me why daddy doesn't love me anymore. Dear Shack, I spend every waking moment trying to fix you up and make you a home, it is exhausting and not very rewarding yet. Dear Post Office, you don't deliver to my house. Is it because it  really isn't a house? Well, now I have a P.O. Box so if you would like my new info message me. I know everyone is dying to send me something in the mail. Dear Scorpions, we don't have any room for you. Sorry we had to kill a momma and her 20 babies!!!! in my girls room!!! Dear Sleep, you are not the same since I found a spider crawling on my arm in my bed. Dear Rejected, yes me. When everyone else gets a personal phone call and a post on face book. After being lied to I find out that the man I was married to less than three months ago is engaged to be married by getting a text. Pretty much a stab to the heart right there. And that is all you will ever hear about that. Dear Week, you suck and were one of the worst in history. Dear Mom, I hope you had a great birthday. I love you. Dear Phone, you decided to just turn off and stop working, it was very inconvenient. It randomly turned back on a day later, so it works again...for now.Dear Heaven Sent, after the worst day of my life my sis and her kids showing up on my doorstep, driving three hours so I wouldn't have to be alone. I Love You Forever! Dear Grateful, I am so grateful for those who still love me and care about our heartache, you mean so much to me right now. Thank You. We are very blessed in many ways. Dear Heartache, you come crashing down on me and take my breath away. It's unbearable when I see the same look on my children's faces. Dear Self, right now I wish I could just drop out of life. Somehow there is no way to prepare your self for the emotions that come along with it and it can knock you off your feet. Right now I'm knocked down, but I know I have to get back up.

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