Friday Letters

     Avary got stung by a bee and the stinger was stuck in her finger for two days, it was really stuck.


Dear Children, you got to spend time with your Horne side of the family this week. You all had a great time and went to sleep hugging your build a bears. Dear Headache, I was up all night with my head killing me, which meant we were late to church. I thought we were an hour late but we were actually two hours late, I was out of it. It pays off to go to church anyway because I heard a nice lesson and a friend has a daughter who does massage who happened to be there and offered her services. Dear Neck Massage, you were awesome. Chatting while some one rubs my neck and shoulders was close to heaven. Then I went home and the kids fought over who gets to sit and climb on me while tackling me in the process. My headache was back before bedtime. Dear Packing, I spent hours going through the stuffed animals and babys with the girls. They want to keep EVERYTHING. Hazel spent five minutes saying goodbye to each thing I made her get rid of. She's funny. Dear Tires, I needed four new tires. FOUR. Well, five and a spare actually. It was good in a way since the metal was showing and I only got stranded once when I ran over something and not with a blowout. But that can brake the bank, let me tell you. Dear Avary, you stepped on a pencil and stabbed the bottom of your foot. Ouch! I completely sympathize with you. A couple of months ago I stepped on an earing. Dear Thatcher, I had to drive up because in order to register Hazel for preschool just to get on a waiting list you have to be in person, silly. It was interesting though because the gal's son has severs disease also and had to be cast when he was younger. He is older now and still has problems with it. It was nice to talk with someone who understands how frustrating it is. And I also hope she gets into the preschool because it would be free. Dear Future, as soon as I think I am comfortable and accepting of you things change and I don't like it. Dear Awkward, the bump on my head is now a small bruise and still hurts, yeah laugh it up. Dear Wind/Dust storm, I loved to look out and see the stormy sky. And now my car is really dirty. Dear Bishop, I could not ask for a better Bishop. You helped my daughter to feel the Lord's love for her. Priceless. Dear Self, I thought this was when things were supposed to fall into place. I am so tired and would really just rather sit down and cry. Instead I will bust my butt and try to work all the problems out within a very short period of time. And then I will sit down and cry.

Yeah...well...today was a little awkward. I ran a ton of errands and went to two appointments that took 3 hours. And it was really hot outside. I didn't drink enough. And I didn't get enough sleep. And my mind was preoccupied all day. So there are my excuses.

In the store I dropped something and bent down to get it and hit my head on a metal spike thing. It hurt. It took me a minute to figure out what even happened because the thing was in my blind spot or something. I had a big bump on my forehead, as it went down it looked like a huge mosquito bite or a really big zit. Yeah yeah very funny. That is the kind of thing you would rather happen at home not in public.

Then I went home and somehow stabbed myself in the thumb with a knife while trying to cut a plastic wrapper.

So, naturally I decided I should go and use the electric sander in the sweltering heat. Don't worry I only sanded one of my fingertips. And my wimpy arthritic wrists are killing me.

All in a days work.

Boys...

So this is what Kade was doing during Scout Pack meeting. Drawing with PEN on his pant leg of his jeans. It's not a good idea to let an 8yr old boy have a pen while an adult is talking.

Peanut Butter

My Boy is picky, he hates certain textures and if you try and make him eat them he with throw it right back up at you.

BUT...it I put it in a shake with Peanut Butter, he can't tell at all.
This shake is ice, two big handfuls of fresh spinach, a whole apple, dark chocolate almond milk(not much) and a spoon of peanut butter. He'll down the whole thing for his lunch.

I hide all kinds of things in his shakes, I even put raw broccoli in sometimes. I just cram whatever I have that might be good for him into it and a spoon of magical peanut butter.

Now if this only worked on my other even more picky eater. I can't get her to drink any kind of shake.

Avary

Luckily she still has her cute sense of humor. She is determined to have it her way. Here is an example. She is supposed to wear heel cups in her shoes and shoes all the time, no bare feet, no flips ect. I tell her go get your shoes on you have to have your feet in the heel cups. And she came down stairs like this. Stinker!

After seeing more Dr.s Avary was diagnosed with Severs Disease.
There are varying degrees of it and unfortunately she has a pretty severe case. She has been in a lot of pain and can't do much of any of the things she loves so much to do. Like run and play and jump and climb and swim and bike and roller blade and ect. She has always been so athletic and active and coordinated and my little tough girl physically and my sweet girl emotionally. This has been so very hard for her.
Contrary to some of the things you find on the internet the Dr. has explained to me, more than once, that this will continue to be a problem and very painful for her until her growth plate fuses around the age of twelve. He said this is a very frustrating disease for her, me and him because you can't just fix it. And it is very painful. I wish I could fix it.
It has been so hard for me to watch her hurt and lose so much of her ability. On some days she does a swim lesson and then can't walk to the car, she can't even get her knees to bend. Sometimes she can't walk down the stairs. Sometimes she can't even walk at all with out tons of pain and she just sits and watches a movie. She has been sad. And so have I. Hearing "oh she'll be fine" from people is irritating to me. Yes, she will in about six years. And they haven't seen her lose her identity and she doesn't understand. She is so much more than the physical things, but that is what she LOVED to do. You get left behind and miss out. She just keeps pushing through, I gotta give her that. She is one tough little girl. She does as much as her little feet will let her and then deals with the pain.
She thinks she can outsmart me and the Dr.s. The Dr's keep having talks with her about toning it down and what she cannot do and she just looks at them in defiance and they see it and then look at me. I am supposed to put her back in her boots when the pain gets to where she can't walk properly to force them to rest, but when they tell her and she gives them that look and they look at me I'm thinking you try and force this girl to put those boots on. She is stubborn and strong. She hates those things even when they relieve the pain.
Right now we are doing all of the things that can be done for it, but it is still pretty bad. If it hasn't improved the Dr's are planning on casting both feet at the end of July. My goal is to keep her out of the cast. No one wants to start a new school in a wheel chair with two cast on, especially Avary.

Friday Letters

Dear Children, you have been saying the funniest things lately. I love that you can make me laugh. Dear Ranch, we didn't get to visit. The kids were so sad, but sick kids and the ranch don't sound fun to me. Maybe the 4th of July. Dear Hailey, I am really enjoying watching you at swim lessons. I think you have some talent there, you are graceful but quick. You make it look so easy. Dear Packing, we all know how I feel about you. I did pack two boxes of books and was proud of myself because I avoid you like the plague. I have so much to do in the next month it is a little well a lot overwhelming. Dear Sleep, you are not peaceful. I wake up to at least, yes, at least two kids in my bed about an hour after I fall asleep and then am squished and uncomfortable the rest of the night. And then I wake up with a headache or a neck that won't turn. Dear Goodwill, why did I buy furniture that needs to be fixed or sanded and refinished? When am I supposed to do this? In all my free time? Dear Ric, I hope you do well in your triathlon. Dear Hazel, when you are unhappy the whole world stops. You screamed and freaked out for hours the other day. I just happened to have a couple patience left at the time. I'm not sure anyone one else in the family or house did maybe you could tone it down 500 notches. Dear Sis, thanks for letting the girls come hang out and play for hours at your house, they think your house is awesome. Oh, and thanks for listening. Dear Kade, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed every day this week. Actually I wake up with you in my bed. Maybe if you slept in your bed you would wake up happier. Dear Avary, you told me "Mom my swim teacher's name is Tiger...or was it Cheetah?" I say "His name is TYLER" You said "No mom he told me it is TIGER...or was it Cheetah?" Dear Self, I wish I was better and knew the answer to everything. At least I will never run out of things to work on.

Stop!

Hailey came in the kitchen to make some lunch and I looked at her and it just hit me how grown up she looks. The girl just keeps growing. All of her pants are all too short from one month ago, this is her only pair left. I admit I was glad when her feet got bigger than mine so she can't steal my shoes anymore.
I tell them to STOP growing up and they completely ignore me.

Style

I forgot about Summer style and stubborn little girls.
Swim suits every day.
The handkerchief on her head is a great way to cover the fact that I didn't do her hair.
And it goes so well don't you think.
Today they were wearing sweaters, it was only like 108 or 110 or something like that.

Source: imgfave.com via Camille on Pinterest

Friday Letters

Dear Children, we are supposed to be going to the Ranch with Gma and Papa, but that will not happen if any of you have a fever so you must be better today. ok. Dear Physical Therapy, you give me a headache, literally. I had to take Hazel and after the PT watched her cling and climb all over me like a monkey the whole time she looked at hazel and said I can't imagine why your mom would have neck problems. Dear Summer, you have turned out to be very busy. All I want to do is stay at home and relax for a day, although that is not what happens when we stay home. Dear Avary, your bones are still bruised, but healed. The Pediatric Specialist said that you have Severs Disease. After swimming you can barely walk and are in so much pain, it breaks my heart to see you hurt. More on this later. Dear Hazel, you scraped your toe, it was the end of the world as usual. I asked you how that happened you said "It is all because you make me eat too much food"!.....what? (4 1/2 and 37 lbs. and the pickiest eater on the planet) "if you didn't make me eat then my body would not make so much blood when you eat too much then your body has too much blood and your skin starts scraping off"!!! She yelled this at me in an accusing way as if I was just playing dumb. Better watch out at your next meal. Dear Kade, you have been so miserable with a cold. You are still funny though. I heard you yell from your bed "Curse this Blasted cold"! That is a very normal thing to say when you are 8yrs old I am sure. Dear Hailey, you are growing up. I am watching you want to know every thing for your self and want to understand everything. Every night you come in my room and and we talk about your 500 questions. I love this time with you I hope you never grow out of it. Dear Dad, you are the best man I know, I have spent my whole life being grateful and proud that you are my dad. You have been the best Grandpa to my children, they love you and depend on you so much. The time that we have spent living across the hall from you the past year is priceless to me. I love you. Dear Dr.'s, we are seeing way too much of you lately. Two of my peeps have fevers with no other explanation. And I actually had a fever, weird cause I can be on my death bed and still not have a fever. Makes no difference there is no one to take care of me, up and at em! Dear Self, it is the most heartbreaking thing to see my children hurt in anyway. Life is giving me some heavy burdens...again...still. The Lord either thinks I can handle it or He would like me to learn something...or both. I hate things that I cannot fix.

Instant Gratification

I went here and loved it.
I prayed for specific things.
I came out got in the car and checked my phone.
And there was an answer to one of my prayers in a text.
He hears me and knows me and loves me.
And He answers my prayers.
So I should just stop worrying so much.

Water

There's just something about water that kids love.
The kids had there first day of swim lessons. They already know how to swim, but it gets them in a pool everyday and they learn little tips.
Of course all they want to do is go down the water slide, which they don't do during lessons.
And Hazel goes with her class into the water *without ME*! This is a good start for her.
And I just sit and sweat on the bleachers.

Source: fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net via Camille on Pinterest

Boots

                            Is this not the saddest face you have ever seen? I just breaks my heart.

Poor Avary.
I waited five days to see if Avary's ankles and heels would feel better. You expect her legs and ankles to hurt, they haven't been used for 7 weeks, but my poor girl just kept limping and hurting. I tried going to the grocery store and she couldn't even walk, she climbed under the cart and looked like she was going to cry. I had to leave and take her home where she sat around (not normal). I had to call the Dr. he said to put the walking casts back on right away. She at least doesn't have to sleep in them, that was awful.
She fought me about it but in the end I got them back on and had her stand up and she just let out a big sigh and said it took the pain away and she went outside to play. She is still allowed to take them off to swim, which is nice, until her check up.
But I don't know why there is still pain or if maybe they weren't healed well enough? I hope she can get back to her normal self and activity level.

Friday Letters

Dear Children, I put you to bed at 10:30pm last night. Please sleep in it's summer time. Dear Headache, you plagued me all night long and half the day and made me miss church. You stink. Dear June, I am feeling weird that it is already June. How did this happen? I am still confused at how days are so long but the months and years are flying by. Dear Crap, yeah I said crap. Sometimes stuff happens just to remind you of how lucky you are without it. Sometimes people are mean just to remind you of all the people who are nice and that you don't need mean people in your life. Sometimes having no control of what other people choose can make you soo grateful for all the things you do have control over. Sometimes seeing others priorities and the things that they don't care about help you to remember to thank the Lord for those very same things every single day. Dear Tingy Sport Camp, you are genius. A great way for older boys to earn money, teach and entertain younger boys and still be supervised. I love it. I can't say I would do this with any family but this one is a winner. Dear Avary, your heels weren't quite ready and you have been in a lot of pain. I feel so bad for you and your discomfort. I am praying they will heal properly and we will know how to fix it. Dear Nephew Lukey, Happy Birthday! Your pool party was so fun. Dear Swimming, I was too chicken to get in. I didn't even need to enough water was splashed on me I was plenty wet. It wore the kids out and they actually just went to sleep when I put them to bed, Hazel even skipped her nightly hour long screaming session. It made me miss having a swimming pool, kind of. Swimming two days in a row for hours should earn an hour of sleeping in, right? Dear Physical Therapy, for my neck and knee. I hardly did anything, but what I did do caused me to be dizzy and have a huge headache the rest of the day. I was not surprised to find out I have some major nerve issues with my right arm. I don't care what I have to do, just fix it. Dear Hailey, we have had some great conversations lately about the gospel. I love to see you taking such an interest in the book of Mormon and now wanting to know everything there is to know. A natural consequence of reading the Book of Mormon... a thirst for knowledge. Dear Hazel, something about a swimming pool makes you need to pee on average 15 times. I am glad you refuse to pee in the pool, but really, I wish you had a bigger bladder. Dear Self, who knew getting really mad would cause me to takes steps forward. If I didn't have a bum knee/neck I probably could have run five miles.

A Swim Party

 The kids finally all got to swim!
Hazel was a shivering little fish, she was so cold but refused to get out.

 Avary spent the first 15min. screaming and making irritating sounds because she was so happy in the water. She definitely had to tone it down 500 notches from her former swimming self. She spent a lot of time in the shallow end.

 Kade said he was cupid. Yeah... he was a little crazy. I'm sure the only interesting part of cupid to him would be the arrows.

Hailey has always been a fish.
Sparklers for the birthday boy, sparklers are always cool. Hazel looks a little unsure.
Noticed Avary's legs? She had to be put back into walking cast, but I still let her swim.

The best part of swimming is when the kids go to bed because they are worn out. smile.

The Result

This girl has got some hair! I wish I had even half as much hair as Hailey.

Braids

Hailey has had her cousin M do her hair multiple times, she warned her to watch out Grandpa is going to tease you. He did, ha.
This would seriously give me a headache.

Source: juxtapost.com via Camille on Pinterest

Who am i post

Remember this post?

I wrote this three years ago.

I could write the same thing today.
Although I have learned a lot about who I am and what I know about life  and people in the last 3yrs, I often feel this way.
I could not have known exactly what these three years were going to be like.
The hardest of my life.
But I needed them.

I have learned that your strength can be stripped from you a little at a time until you are floundering for some sense of reality no matter how strong you think you are. No matter what you have promised yourself.

But like in that post some things can never be taken from you, they are so deep in your heart. When the whole world is spinning around you there is always that anchor, my Savior, who when I look back has always been with me. The Spirit has always warned me, guided me, and literally given me strength that I did not have. I could not live without the testimony that I have, it is a gift and I am so thankful for it.

Irrigation

This looks fun right? I'm always a little worried to let them play in irrigation at home because of scorpions or glass or nut shells or something.

I took the kids (except hailey) to my sisters to play in the water in her backyard.
This was out her back fence, good timing.
And my nephew E is turning out to be a kid magnet so he took them out and played with them.
And then he even washed them off with the hose, which I thought was nice, that is usually something only the mom who wants them to be clean thinks of.

They played for a long time. I didn't have to do much except sit in the shade and sweat. It was only 110 degrees out.

Friday Letters

                        I drive home a certain way just so I can see this little patch of flowers.


Dear Children, some of you are already bored because your cousins are all sick (kade). Some of you have spent every waking moment with your friends (hailey). And the rest play all day making big messes. When we had to stop by the pharmacy you were so naughty arguing and whining the poor pharmacist looked sorry for me so I didn't take you all anywhere the rest of the week. Our first week of summer. It will get better. Dear Dad, thanks for offering to take Kade to the Ranch with you. He had so much fun and memories with you he will have forever. And he got to be a little BOY, dirt and running free exploring makes him happy. Dear Last Week, you took it out of me. Every day was so busy and full. Dear Swim Lessons, after getting to the office at 7am and finding out that you in fact will not be free for us but half price and not having a dime on me is not exactly how I wanted to start my day, or summer for that matter. No swimming every day for the kids stinks. Dear Nap, I knew the risks. But at the time....I woke up to all the bins dumped out and I was buried in stuffed animals. Dear Ostrich, after giving away a bag of toys to the treasure box for the kindergarten class that the kids never play with Avary told Kade his little stuffed ostrich was in it. Why? The boy cried and cried and makes me regret it every single day since. My kids are overly attached to every single thing they own, it drives me nuts. Dear Words, I hate that a couple of sentences or even one for that matter coming from someone you care about can crush your heart and self esteem in a matter of seconds. You move past it, but for awhile it hurts. Dear Packing, I feel overwhelmed and I haven't even packed anything yet. Dear Avary, you were the cutest thing when you got your casts off, wobbling all over smiling and laughing. It was the best day for you, it made you so happy. Dear Awful, getting a flat tire with the gas light on and the spare was blown out. And it was hot out. And then realizing I am going to have to replace all four tires. But then having my Dad run to five places after work looking for somewhere open to just get it drive able was just about the nicest thing ever. Dear S&J, Thank You. I think you know what for. If not check your texts. Dear Awesome, getting an email letting me know we have a free pizza from Papa Johns. Not making dinner is always awesome. Dear Self, feeling so stressed out about so many things and hoping my efforts will be enough, but at the same time I am so blessed that the Lord loves me and even through the hard things that I have to go through He sends so many blessing into my life with little reminders that He has a plan for me and He is leading me down the path.