The Love Nest: Kids

My kids make me laugh.

THE WALL

Avary- I get to sleep on the cruton! (=futon)

Kade- I'm so sick, I think I'm going to Varmint.

Hazel- Mom why are babies bums SOOO BIG? haha Me- they wear a diaper.

Hazel- Mom my shoes kept coming untied all day...oh and the bathroom is haunted at school"

Kade - Mom have I already had the Weazels? Me - Huh...you mean the Measles? Kade - Oh uh yeah.

Hazel- What are those things called again that you said don't squeeze them too hard or I'll squeeze their nuts out? Me - I said don't squeeze there GUTS out not their NUTS! And that is called a frog.

Avary- Aaahhh!!! I think I'm growing hair on my chest! Wait no it's my arm pits!!!!!! (she's 7)

Hailey - I have long legs! Don't make me misuse them!

Kade- sometimes I just feel the need to go spread some gas around.

Hailey- (talking to herself) She wants cinnamon?...I'll give her some pepper!

Kade- I want to know the truth! Is Santa Real?!!! Me- No..not exactly. Kade- What!!! Everyone's been lying to me all these years!!! Me- Did that just ruin your life? Kade- Well...yeah pretty much just ruined my life. Me- we can pretend I didn't tell you. Kade- yeah ok thats good.

Hazel- (randomly in the middle of dinner) Avary! Stop eating like a beast!

Me - You are such a smart girl. Hazel- I know. If I had a phone I could call anyone.

Hazel - I don't understand why my brain always has to be thinking ALL the time.

Hazel - When you eat too much food you body makes too much blood and when you have too much blood your skin starts scraping off. (that is how she scraped her toe)

Avary - My swim teacher's name is Tiger...or was it Cheetah? Me - His name is TYLER. Avary - No Mom he told me it is TIGER!...or was it Cheetah.

Avary - What is that smell? Kade- It's the smell of Glory.

Avary - The moon really is made out of cheese.

Mom- Go upstairs and help clean up. Kaden- No Mom, listen..wait for it...wait for it...it sounds really clean to me, if it was messy there would be yelling and it's pretty quiet up there.

Avary- I'm not going to college, Kade doesn't have to he
gets to go on a field trip when he turns 19! (mission)
Kaden- If I ever pass out just wave pizza under my nose and I
will come to.
Hailey- Wow, I just really want to rap right now.
Hailey- Is there such a thing as a butteraholic?
Kaden- What! I thought her middle name was NUT!
(when I said Hazel's middle name, Mary)
When asked if they want to play Sorry the game. Avary- how do you play do I get to do something mean and then I have to say sorry?
Hazel- Mom why don't you have more babies? Avary- Old ladies don't have babies Hazel!
Kaden- My hands are made of whips and you don't want to see what these whips can do. What...I don't know how I got whips for hands.
Hazel- My life has a purpose. (out of nowhere)
Avary- Stop signs are boring all you do is stop.
Avary- Look Mom, I see a human!
Kaden- Am I growing a mustache yet?
Mom- Why are you out of bed? Hazel- I came down to keep an eye on you two kids. Mom- go to bed. Hazel- Make sure you kids brush your teeth.
Hazel- Did Jesus like pizza?
Kaden- My taste buds don't get along with that at all.
Hailey- Look how pretty the pollution is! (sunset)
Kaden- New babies all look like cooked hotdogs.
Avary- I need a good hard drink.
Kaden- School is dangerous you could be looking at the ground when you are walking and run into something.
Avary- Mom Hazel is in my bubble gum space.
Hazel- Mom why are you sad, did I get into your makeup?
Kaden- You have to watch out for pretty girls because they can trick you into marrying them.
Hailey- Mom when you die can I have your cookbook?
Kaden- Can you have an eyes attack?
Avary- Little miss muffet sat on her puffet, a puffet is a really big cheek.
Mom- eat three bites of your food. Avary- No Mom, I give up.
Kids- Dad have you ever gone to jail? Dad- No, but I went on a mission.
Kaden- How do you get off of Santa's naughty list? Dad- You have to be good and listen. Kaden- Oh, well then, can you just get me a present for Christmas?
Kaden- Why aren't kids free! We live in America but kids are NOT free!
Kaden- Dad for Halloween you should be a dirty man. Dad- I'm supposed to dress up. Kade- you could go as a bald man. Avary- you could be a ballerina.
Kaden got in trouble for misbehaving and tried to tell me he was just confused. Mom- nice try. Kade- Well, the truth is, I'm crazy.
Dad- What happens when you turn 12? Avary- that's when I get to kill that pirate?
Kaden- Mom I know you put poison in my food but that's ok because I'm not allergic to anything.
Mom- What do you have in your backpack? Hailey- oh, just useless things. Kaden- Oh, like a racoon.
Mom- Did you learn anything new at school today? Kaden- It was crazy, they wrote a 9 and called it a P!
Avary-(crying) My monkey jammies are growing up. (too small)
Kaden's prayer at dinner- Please bless me that I won't throw up this food.
Kaden- My bum doesn't like sitting so much because sometimes it's just too puffy to sit on.
Hailey- We are so lucky to have IHOP (she said this very seriously)
Avary was listing her friends one of which is Santa.
Dad- Kade how are you so good at hiding? Kaden- It's easy I was following you.
Kaden was throwing up and he stops and says Mom I feel like an old man.
I overheard Kade telling Hailey- Dad is so hairy I think he is going to turn into a gorilla.
Mom- Why are you crying? Avary- My hand is too big.
Kaden and Avary were arguing because he called her a baby. She glared at him and said "I am not a baby I am BabyCakes"!
Avary isn't used to Ric being home so she has been getting confused she will think she is talking to me and realize it's Ric so she tries to correct herself so now Ric is MAD and I am DAM.
Mom- It's not nice to punch people. Kaden- But I love punch it's the perfect name for a drink, didn't you drink puch when you were little. (way to chang the subject)
Mom- It's ok to cry, but it's not ok to scream and yell and throw a fit. Kaden- Mom it's the same thing that's just how you do it in Spanish.
Kaden- Why does that horse always wear underware on his head?

Monday, April 2, 2012

Kids