Missing

If someone goes missing around bedtime this is usually where I find them, they love Grandpa.
They think he will save them from whatever I am trying to get them to do, "but I'm with Grandpa" but actually he always backs me up and tells them to listen to me, I love Grandpa too.

A Nap...

                            So, this is what happens when you take a nap when you have a 4yr old.

                                            She was supposed to be watching a movie.

Friday Letters

Dear Home Teacher, aka smilyface, you came to visit and my kids were all bouncing off the walls with craziness. All four of them at the same time and I was out numbered, this is always a little embarrassing and makes me a little mad at the same time. After showing them what you had planned and them still going nuts you took them all outside and pushed them on the swing and swung them around and did wheel barrow races until it was getting dark. Thank You! I couldn't ask for a better home teacher. Dear April, you went so fast. How can the days be so long but the months are flying by? I can't believe it is almost May. Dear Books, life would suck without you. I'm sure that's what that song is about. Not a day goes by that I don't read. Recommendations are always welcome. Sometimes I wish I could spend a whole day reading. For enjoyment that is. Dear Spring Sing, I want to like you, but it's really hard to. I hate the parking issues and trying to keep track of my kids and sweating and not really being able to hear the kids sing well and the stray kids running all over during the performances and my kids not listening and whining. Yeah, I think that's why I don't really enjoy this one. Dear Nap, it finally hit me, caught up to me, the exhaustion mentally, emotionally and physically. After another restless night of little actual sleep I took the girls to the Dr. then Avary to school. And instead of running my errands that are just piling up I turned on a movie for Hazel and took a nap...for four hours...and woke up to a disaster and it being dinner time. The kids acted almost pleased that they had free reign until they got hungry. It was all I could do to force myself to get up and go on with the rest of the day, the spring sing, dinner, baths, bedtime routine, prep for tomorrow, laundry. I need a vacation. Actually I just want to sleep until I'm not tired anymore.  Dear Avary, I am so sorry you have TWO broken heels. I know this is so hard for you to not be able to run and play. I think having double ear infections, getting four molars and having two broken heels probably has had something to do with your big Tude. That is good enough reason for me. You are so tough. I love you Babycakes. Dr. Mckay, you are such a good Dr. and such a nice man. I wouldn't go anywhere else. Dear Hailey, for...awhile now you have been saying you need glasses, but I really thought you just wanted glasses because you would purposely seriously fail the school nurse exam. I finally took you in for an eye exam because I noticed you squinting when you thought I wasn't watching. Just to add to our wonderful week, you do need glasses. A small prescription thankfully, but I'm sorry I didn't take you earlier is in order I would say. And I'm sure you will help me to remember that I didn't believe you needed glasses. But I will remind you of how I went and tracked down your dance teacher just to get a song for you to dance to in the talent show and brought it to school for you with only two hours notice. See we love each other. Dear Kade, on our way to our class you said "mom I feel like my soul is trapped in a cage" I don't even know what to say to that. Free your soul! Dear Self, overwhelmed is not even the word. My only comfort is knowing that almost every breathing moment is spent caring for and trying to help my children in one way or another even if I can't be the mom I am in my dreams. But I am expecting that mother of the year award to come in the mail any day now and it's not quite even May yet.

Heels

                                              So... as you can see Avary is very unhappy.

She has been telling me for...a long time...months...that her heels hurt really bad. She would run and play and do everything that everyone else was doing, and more, and then say they hurt, start limping or walking on her toes. I thought they might be bruised or that tendon thing you get in your foot. Avary is not one to complain about pain, she wants to be tough so the boys will let her play and in my opinion she is tougher than the boys I know. She didn't cry both times she had stitches or when she had her forehead swell off her face from hitting her head. Yesterday she was cringing with every step so I knew it had to hurt pretty bad and it has been so long I decided it wasn't going to go away so I took her to a foot specialist.

Well, after some x rays I was shown that she has had TWO broken heels right on the growth plate. Because of where it is, it has not been able to heal with her activity level and well because she is walking on them.
I sat there looking at the obvious break in both heels and I just wanted to cry. I looked at the Dr. and said "WHY did I wait so long to bring her in? I feel so horrible". He just said "now now don't do that, these things happen and this is one tough girl" He is the nicest man. He asked Avary if the boys had been chasing her on the playground, she said yes, but she is faster than them.

He was explaining to her that she may not take off the walking casts for six weeks and she has to wear them 24 hours a day unless I am giving her a bath. She can't run or jump or walk fast, no playing at recess, she has to sit and rest them or he will have to put a different cast on them and she won't be able to walk. She got the saddest face ever and said "I can't play at recess"? For the rest of the school year. And she will miss her dance recital. And it is already really hot = no swimming.
The first thing she did was stand up and stamp her feet to see if it hurt. Ha. The Dr. said "No No you can't do that. One of the prophets said to lengthen your stride, I want you to shorten your shuffle"!

It's only the first day and she is so miserable, she fell down once already and said she is feeling shy to go to school. She wants them OFF! The hardest part is going to be trying to keep her from running around. I will never even know what she did to break them, she is always jumping off of things and so active and it was so long ago when it first happened.  This is going to be a long month. The other kids were wishing they had broken something too because I bought Avary an ice cream, I would say they were even jealous.

I just want to add that all of the awards that Avary won, the races and 1st place in her field day were all won with two broken heels. She is so much tougher than me. I want to cuss when I step on a lego.

Oh, and also I think this means Mother of the year is in the bag. I think crying is in order!

Spring Sing 2012

Trying to see and hear the kids picnic style in the hot evening, with kids running all over the place. I can't say this is my favorite. It didn't end until 8pm

The grumpy kids who's mom wouldn't let them run around during the singing = whining. They disappeared as often as they could and the whole time hazel crawled around me in circles over and over until I wanted to scream.

Before it even started Kade managed to spill or wipe everything he ate or touched on his clothes and then spilled water all over himself and the blanket. The picture is deceiving.

I hate being so out numbered when all four of them decide to not listen. Lets just look at the picture and pretend it was fun.

Pretty...

This looks pretty to me. The little blossoms floating around everywhere covering the ground, the bright yellow.



To other's this is like poison making their lives miserable because it is floating all over the place along with a whole lot more just like it.
I feel very very blessed not to have horrible allergies.

Source: Uploaded by user via Camille on Pinterest

Friday Letters

I am trying to enjoy all the flowers before they all die this weekend in a heat wave.

Dear Children, you had testing in school all week, which means little to no homework. I might have enjoyed this more than you did. Dear Kade, this week you earned your Wolf in scouts. You love scouts and love your leader. You had to plan and cook and clean up a whole meal for our family, you did really great, it was even yummy. I did tell you what to do throughout otherwise we would have had ice cream or something. You made scrambled eggs, avocado, tomato, spinach, buttered toast with strawberry jam, milk and juice. Dear Fast Sunday, the older kids were so grumpy in church, but it was still nice to fast and go to class without them. And even better to receive answers to prayers. Dear Avary, you have developed quite the TUDE lately, I am going to chalk it up to the facts that you are getting four molars and have an ear infection and hope that it passes. Dear Short Sale, you suck. I am really fed up with having to fill out five million packets of the same information and have you keep saying "you will not move forward with the sale unless" your list just keeps getting longer and do you really need so many documents and details of our personal lives, even wanting me to hurry up with the divorce. And how many papers do I need to sign for there to be proof that I don't have a job? I feel like there has been a line crossed here. We had an offer the first day and it has been months just sell the poor man the house already! You don't like tithing and groceries well too bad! And NO I don't want to modify, maybe two years ago on one of my many attempts, but not now after you have left the house sitting there empty for a year and a half while we live in two bedrooms without telling me! I am down there at least two times a week. What's that? You want me to sign another paper saying the same things twenty different ways? Well sometimes I want to sign something other than my name. Glad I got that out. Dear Piano, on one hand I feel lucky and excited that my kids seem to have some musical talent with the piano, meaning they catch on really quick and can do it. On the other hand they can do it so easily that they feel no need to practice and become better because, well, they could be really good if they wanted to be. It drives me crazy! Nothing seems to come naturally to me in the form of a talent I have to work my butt off just to be a beginner at anything, but I am glad they inherited some talents obviously not from me. Dear Split Peas, Kade loves going to class and hates it when we get out early. It warmed my heart when I was talking to his teacher and she said my bribes have been working, and she noticed that he is always saying nice things about me and how much we talk and that he can tell me anything. Oh, my sweet boy. Nothing could have made me feel more guilty about yelling earlier that day, I'm glad they love me anyway. Dear Co-Parenting Class, yes I go to a co-parenting class by myself...for the second time. This week was about anger management and we have some funny people in the class and some still angry people. It makes it entertaining for me. One dad obviously wasn't listening because when his kid threw a fit he lost his temper and drug him out of the building by his arm all the way to his car. Things like this always upset Kade, and me too honestly, Kade said "I don't think that man is very nice, he seems really controlling". And then said how "sometimes obstacles can get in our path that make us angry just like an obstacle course and you have to find your way through it". I think he was listening in class. Dear Niece M, you are 16!!! Happy Birthday and may the force be with you. I am so proud of you. Dear Self, I am gathering my courage and strength and hope it will last longer than one day. If I know what the Lord wants me to do then he will make a way for me to do it. And that's that.

Thatcher

We had fun over Easter weekend visiting our friends. Our kids match up great which means I get to take a breath. My kids will not accept that they are not their cousins because they have known them their whole lives.



This is where I found Kade most of the time, a water filled ditch can entertain the kid all day. Staying dry? Not so much.


Are they going to do what it looks like they are doing?


Yep. I guess this is how you have fun in Thatcher, ha. We had some injuries. Hurt feet and bums, a cut on the head and Hailey face planted and rolled and slid down getting scrapped up on her face and knees. And then I was like, what are we doing?! Shooting a paintball gun cured a lot of it.


And the Easter Bunny came and hid their bags in the backyard. The kids had so much fun they want to move there.

Friday Letters

I don't know who's hat Avary took, but it is cute.

Dear Children, you all had really great report cards. One of you had all A+'s. Dear W&B, Thank you for having us stay in your home and treating us like family, as always. Thank you for the time you spent giving my children love and attention, yes I noticed. Who knows maybe we will be neighbors again. I love you guys! Dear Reservation Gas Station, when I was faced with 3 hours of no music/distraction because the batteries to make the ipod work were dead I stopped hoping to grab some AAA. The attendant said "I keep the batteries behind the counter, how many do you need" me "uumm 2"?? her setting them on the counter "they are a dollar each" looking me right in the eye. "are you serious" I laughed, she didn't laugh..."you know you are ripping me off"....stare down...and then I gave her $2.00. Dear Bed, you are calling to me every minute of the day to come and take a nap. And sometimes I really think that sounds like the best idea. Dear Kade, I had to bribe you to talk in your split peas class. It worked, but you won't tell me what you said. As long as someone heard you I'm ok with that. Dear Hazel, you kept telling me there was something stuck in your ears and then you said your head hurt. To me that = no sleep for me. I drove you straight to the Dr. you have double ear infections. Avary has one, who's next? Dear Sister, in a few sentences you pointed out how the Lord had answered my prayer. Right in front of my face and all I felt was worry and confusion. Thank you for your insight. Dear Self, I hate making decisions. Lets hope I make the right ones. And doing it without fear is a huge challenge for me.

Gravity

When this song came out a long time ago the first time I heard it, it became one of my favorite songs because it's how I feel and have felt. It's strange sometimes how music and lyrics can be exactly what your heart is feeling.

Source: None via Camille on Pinterest

For Ric

April 7, 1999

I love this picture of us. We look happy.

I want you to know that I have forgiven you for all the things that you have done. I hope that you can forgive me too. I want you to know that I am proud of you for the things that you have overcome and the progress that you have made.

Even though most of our marriage was full of pain and sadness I want you to know that I do remember every good moment we spent together. I remember because it filled me with hope. I could see who you were meant to be, I still can.

I remember all of the thoughtful caring things that you did do and they meant so much to me. I love that person in you. I remember every time that it felt like you wanted me in your arms, I remember every time we stayed up talking and laughing. I remember when you brought me a heart made out of copper and when you wrote our initials into the sidewalk with the pressure washer, it lasted for years. I remember when you wrote me a poem and when you scratched "i love you" into my steering wheel. And so much more. I remember every time I existed to you.

I loved you with my whole heart and I don't regret what I gave. I want you to know that you will always have a part of my heart forever. I will always be your friend even if you choose not to be mine. I will always be honest with you. I will always want the best for you and for you to be the best you, for you to be happy. And I will always be here if you need me. I love you.

Camille




13 years later.

a song from our wedding just so i can sit here and cry

Friday Letters

I found this on my camera.

Dear Children, you are so excited to go visit our long lost friends for the weekend. I am too. Dear General Conference, I love you. I love to be uplifted. And I love to stay home from church without any guilt at all. Dear Week, every day was so packed full of appointments and errands and driving. Literally from the moment I woke up to going to bed. I dream of a vacation, or even just a day to sleep and stay home. Dear Life, the other night when I wanted to panic because I was forced to face the fact that I have another kidney stone I wanted to scream NOOOOOOO!!!!!! You were really feeling very unfair to me. I cannot do this, not right now, it is literally too much. TOO MUCH! I had just gone to the Dr. for this headache(and realized he is in my ward, he said I sit 3 rows in front of him). That's not weird at all. Kidney Stones are torcher, be nice to anyone that has them. Dear Awkward, driving to pick up the kids from school I see a huge box on roller blades. Not kidding, a man in a man sized box rollerblading down Brown Rd. I see the strangest things when I am driving around this place. Dear Hazel, you walked up to me, I know it's hard to believe you were not sitting or climbing on me. You gave me the bird and said "mom this is my bloody finger" Whaaaat? I couldn't stop laughing. You didn't think it was funny, apparently you had a paper cut. It just happened to be on that bloody finger. Dear Avary, you missed 3 days of school this week. You kept saying your head and throat hurt, but it turned out you had an ear infection. You got so so sick. It made me so sad because you never complain so I know you were really feeling lousy. Dear Hailey, you are practicing babysitting while I take Kade to his class. When we got home at 8pm I banged on the door yelling your name for a good five minutes. I finally broke the lock to open the door and you were all sound asleep. A very deep sleep because the whole house heard me. Why don't you all sleep that well all night. Dear Kade, this time at split peas I told you that you had to participate and share your feelings, you said ok until I said "your real feelings" then you protested saying you don't have any feelings. Afterwards your teacher said you finally said your dad lives in Nevada but you still won't talk about your feelings. That is progress I guess. Dear Dentist, we had our last visit and now I am cavity free! And broke, lets not forget that part. Dear Self, I am trying to learn to trust myself to believe in myself even if others don't.

Source: Uploaded by user via Camille on Pinterest

I say this every morning, just for different reasons. Haha

Kids

My kids make me laugh.