My mother's guilt

You know, Every night after I get the kids in bed and I do a bunch of stuff you can never get done when the kids are awake and the time ticks away. With every task I seem to remember one more thing I didn't get done.

After I study me scriptures and say my prayers and lay down in bed that is when it begins. My mother's guilt.

Everything I wish I had done better during the day. All the times I could have been more patient. All the things on the quality time list that never even got a glance. My messy house, that turns into, I must not be teaching the kids chores well enough. And then morfs into shouldn't my kids know how to cook and do their own laundry by now.
And then I start into the why. am. i. so. tired. phase. I am always so exhausted. Not just physically but emotionally and mentally. I can't even do math anymore if you ask me anything that has to do with numbers my mind immediately goes blank and a brick wall goes up. And just the thought of having to lug the kids anywhere makes me want to take a nap.
It can go on for hours until I cut myself a break and decide that tomorrow I will have energy and do all the things that I want to do and be the mom I want to be.

And the cycle continues.

Am I the only one with this disorder? Not that I just feel like I am falling short, but really seem to be falling short?

I need a break or a maid, but really I think I need to go patch the corner of the wall or freshen the paint or finally hang the pictures or clean out the kids closets or even FINISH UNPACKING. See what I mean? It must be a disorder.

Friday Letters

Rico, camping last weekend was nice. You working extra hours to help people with no A/C = Blessings. The new Mindy Gledhill CD means singing in the car, nice. My 9yr old doing piano AND violin AND homework makes me very tired. Not to mention activity days, which I forgot. Principle, 204 math problems plus 4 pages of language and reading EVERYDAY for a 4th grader's homework is a little over the top don't you think? Yes, yes, I know I chose the school. Did I mention I hate making the kids do homework? Oh right, just checking. Never ending headache, you make my life miserable you can leave anytime. My 2yr old filling her backpack with anything she can see is cute for a minute until I have to put it all away. Barrows Pizza, sometimes you save my sanity and it doesn't hurt that you have a play area with cartoons. Father of my children, thanks for taking the kids to their school swim party so I didn't have to wear a swim suit in public.

Every Week should be...

I have had a rough couple of days, I haven't been feeling well. For a Mom that really makes no difference in the work load. And the house is going to be a mess. Everyone seems to think the MOM is invincible.

This is what I found.

Unfortunately not everyone in the house can read.

And the person who wrote it is never home.

Someones ward campout

My parents invited us to their ward campout. Two of my sisters also live in the ward, so it was big family fun. We decided to go at the last minute and it was a good thing. Half way there we watched as my parents car slowly glided to the side of the road. It had died. . forever. No one could get reception except for Ric's nifty phone so he called a tow and we piled five extra people in our van. The kids loved it, they giggled and wrote silly stories and sang songs and told their awful knock knock jokes.


They loved playing in the dirt and finding rocks.

Yes, I was nervous about the kids playing on the bridge over the creek. They got soaked to the bone more than once and then came crying because they were wet. Why didn't they think to take off their socks and shoes and roll up their pants? Really???

LOVED the wild blackberries that were growing everywhere, we even picked some in the dark.

Kade with his hiking stick. He is a wild man.

This was a really cool swing until one of the kids got smacked in the head with it.

Cute. It was nice to get out of the heat.

This is what happens at the end of a camping trip.

It was so cute, the whole family slept in the same cabin and the kids kept giggling as they were trying to fall asleep. All the little voices.
It wasn't as cute when the snoring began and every time anyone moved the plastic covered mattresses crinkled and echoed in the night.
I should have gotten up and gone to the bathroom in the dark... in the woods...alone..maybe then I would have gotten at least half a nights sleep.
Even so, It was a lot of fun.

Friday Letters

Dear Husband, I can still call you that. That means that your efforts have not gone unnoticed. Dear school schedule, you are not as bad as I thought you would be. Melatonin, THANK YOU. Humidity and Headaches, you are not welcome here. Kids HOMEWORK everyday is to remind me that I should be smarter, but somehow you are not making ME smarter, you only annoy me. And Rico, if you put this much effort in for the rest of your life then I just might wear my wedding ring again someday. I love you more that paper plates.

Piano lessons

Hailey was playing the piano this morning. She started lessons this week.

Naturally the little girls began to dance.

I am excited to have my children make music.

Perfect Water

We are trying to enjoy the swimming pool before the water gets too cold. Probably one more month for me.


Today I juiced a watermelon, yes, it was very good. I sipped it while I lay out in the sun and watched the kids swim. I like to soak up the sun before I get in. Not that you can tell, but I can tell. You are mistaken if you think this is as white as I can be.


And the long (a year) coveted shoe of a 9yr old. It is a $50 shoe. With four pairs of feet to shoe that is not likely to happen. It just happened to be on clearance in one store, the week before school started. And they just happened to have the hydee hytop, as they call it, in a girls size 6 which is really like a womens 8. Very unlikely to happen, the girl can wear my shoes. I caught her when we walked in to church on Sunday. That is actually how I tell if they will fit her, I try them on.
Oh, and the best part! They were $10.00!

First day of School.

So the kids didn't want me to walk them to class on the first day of school. They said they didn't want the other kids to think they were scared.

Already! I don't want them to be rid of me yet.

Lets just cry together.

Hailey told Kade that his teacher was mean so naturally he was scared that she was mean. I reminded him that we met her and she seemed nice. He told me that you can't tell what people are really like just by looking at them. He had so much anxiety about school.

Hailey said everything would be fine as long as she didn't get (that) teacher and as long as (that) friend is in her class. Well, she got that teacher and that friend is not in her class. She had a nice little fit of stinky faces in the car.

When I dropped them off neither one would give me a kiss. Hailey gave me an air kiss, yeah, didn't even blow it to me. And Kade said he would give me a hand squeeze.

I worried and teared a little thinking about them hoping they were having a good day.


Here is Avary. She started preschool and has the same teacher as last year and loves her. I love to look at her new haircut, it is so cute, don't you think. I just want to squeeze her.

Kade's two front teeth are barely hanging on. They move all over the place, but he refuses to let anyone near them. My handsome little first grader.

Hailey finally got the bangs that she has been waiting her whole life to get. They are not ideal for curly hair. And Yes, I have to straighten them every day. I think it changed her whole face. She is looking older. She says now she looks like Bailey on Zack and Cody. Fourth grade!

Kaden made up for all of the rejection when I drove up to the school to find this little guy waving and smiling calling my name, running along side the car to get to me. Sigh.Smile. He is still my little boy.

I told them to give me a face that said how their first day went.

I think I caught a little of Hailey's personality in this picture. She said she was wrong and her teacher is really sweet.

And this little anxious guy, the first words out of his mouth "Hailey was wrong" haha He said his teacher is really nice.

The last couple of weeks the kids have been driving me crazy. Fighting, arguing, tattling, getting into everything, making huge messes, and being bored whiners. But I missed them and worried about them all day long. I just wanted them home with me. Who knew all I would have to do to cure them snapping my last nerve was to send them to school for a day.

Who took this picture?

Someone got into the camera. I wonder who?

This last week has been a hard one.

Most of the week I was being attacked by a kidney stone.

Which means no patience and feeling like I am going to lose it at any moment, only I never do because what's the point the pain will be the same.

It also means feeling guilty for not being the mom I want to be and the kids crying because we haven't left the house or swam in days. Them getting in trouble for trashing the house and making messes with food because I have not been with it.

I am sad to send my kids back to school, I like having them at home with me.

But Yes. I am tired of the fighting, whining and boredom that comes at the end of summer vacation.

The other day I was soo sad longing for a baby, don't even ask what is wrong with me. So, to cure myself I took all of the kids to the store with me. It worked. For a couple of days. Especially the ones with the kidney stone.

Hazel said she is going to give all her binkys to the baby, I said What baby? She said The one up there I am going to go find him.

UUUUHHHHH???????

I said she can't go anywhere and we will borrow someone else's baby.

Every day she asks if it is her birthday. My baby is almost 3.