In my scripture study I have been studying Lehi's dream. You can go into great depths about it, but it has touched me in a very simple way also. Holding to the iron rod on the path to the tree of life there are places where you are surrounded by mists of darkness. I can relate to this at the moment. I feel like I was walking with someone and then You feel blinded and you can't see and you can hear those people pointing and mocking and it does feel as if they hate you. You keep walking, but you don't know where you are going because now you are walking alone. sometimes it makes you feel lost, so full of sorrow and devastation. For a moment you can forget what you are holding on to because you can feel it swirling around you it's so dark you can't see. And then you remember that you never let go of that iron rod. You may feel alone, but you are not lost. It can be so hard because you want to go and find the one who let go. But all you can do is tighten your grip and keep walking until you can see again.
For me the pointing and mocking is more like indifference from people that I didn't necessarily have much of a relationship with, but it hurts all the same. It is so hurtful when someone can look at the surface and make assumptions about your life or about who they think you are. They say hurtful things and do hurtful things and they don't seem to care about your pain or the fact that they are adding to it. They don't seem to care about what is right or true and don't try to tell them because they don't want to know. They are going to believe what they want to.
This has been my experience. It's so strange how people that you knew didn't really like you to begin with can cause so much heartache when they make it clear that they still don't like you. I guess I thought they might have some compassion for me and my pain as a human being. I'm sure this seems silly to you, but this has changed me, it has changed who I am.
If I have ever made anyone feel this way I am very sorry. You have to judge right from wrong for your life and family. But I have realized it is nearly impossible to judge someone elses life or situation, you can never know what is truly beneath the surface of what you see, people don't usually share the humiliating details or their deepest heartaches of how they have been hurt. I can guarantee that no ones life is as simple as what you see. And you never know how much more sadness you can cause by being unkind or gossiping or by just not caring when you see someone who is hurting. Sometimes it's so hard to see past your own pain.
How does this have anything to do with Lehi's dream? You are wondering I'm sure. But when I asked myself what are my mists of darkness full of right now and how can I withstand them and make it through them this was a part of them. What?! Just a part?! You didn't think I was going to spill all the details that would actually make any of my ramblings make any sense did you. Don't be silly!
