Spring Break-1

We decided to do a road trip.

First stop was the Petrified National Forest

And The Painted Desert.

Yes kids, stand on the edge of the wall when the wind is practically blowing me over. 

That's a good idea.

This seemed like a long day.

While it was pretty and interesting, the cold wind was so bad we didn't get to spend nearly as much time as we would have. Look at Hazels hat strings blowing in the wind! It was really windy.

The visitor center at the petrified forest had closed right when we got there so that was a bummer. 

I would have liked to explore a little more.

By the time we ate and got to our hotel everyone was so exhausted.

So, go on a warm windless day is what I'm saying.

Friday Letters

yep. that's Thor

Dear Children, you all just missed a whole week of school. After Spring Break. We've got a bunch of sickies around here. Dear Sis, I was glad that I got to come be with you for your surgery. Even though I was limited I was happy I got to help you a little. I'm sorry we are so alike in the broken body way. I do understand your pain though, sometimes that's nice to know. And I'm a step ahead of you so you can see if what I do helps or not! Dear Car Wash, I didn't know getting your car cleaned could be so complicated. I ended up with free car wash coupons, but do I really want to use them when I had to go back twice and spend two hours to get my car cleaned... Dear Sleep, I neeeeed you. Dear Home Work, the kids homework. I'm dreading the huge piles that will be coming home today. Dear Parenting, um I'm lost most of the time. Kids are complicated. My kids are complicated. Parenting is no easy job around here. Dear C, you didn't have to wait long to be reunited with your sweet wife. Attending your funeral tomorrow will be sad. There are just too many good people leaving this world. Dear Will, I haven't really seen you for more than an hour or two this week. You tried to clean the kids room while we were away. I like that. Dear Self, I've had so many thoughts with myself lately it's ridiculous. Life is hard, choices are hard, some days everything is hard. I need to feel better! Once in awhile I need a good cry. And then it's easier to see all of the blessings around me.

Friday Letters

got at least a part of all of us in the picture.

Dear Children, I have loved having you with me this week. We had so much fun. Some who shall remain unnamed are extremely gassy in their sleep. I'm talking like a deadly level here. Dear Road Trip, all seven kids did so awesome, with plenty of preparation on my part of course. But still it was actually fun to be together for so long with nothing getting in our way. I'm sure the kids thought we were awesome when we made all 7 of them 13 to 6 do jumping jacks and high stepping and running in circles in the parking lot of the hotel before getting in the car. Ha. It was a good trip. Even if I was crumpled into a ball the entire time in the middle seat of the front. Dear Spring Break, we were able to drive to Flagstaff and visit Bearizona, which was awesome, I highly recommend, almost get blown away by the cold wind at the petrified forest-painted desert, ride the train to the Grand Canyon, which was awesome. And relax in the indoor pool/hot tub at the hotel. Not knowing it even had an indoor swimming pool trying to find the cheapest swimming attire at Walmart was...interesting. Good for our budget we didn't go to Target. Overall it was a great trip. We had a lot of fun. Dear House, I hate coming home to a messy house. I hate living in a messy house. I would like to spend the weekend spring cleaning. I can wish. Dear Surgery, for carpal tunnel. I had Will cut my stitches out. Ahhh. There is still pain obviously, but overall two weeks out it is a success. And I have not taken it easy on it, let me tell you. I'm sure it would be feeling so much better if I hadn't overdone it the last week and also if I hadn't fallen on it right after surgery. Hope I didn't ruin anything. I...forgot...to mention that to the Dr. Dear S, Will's Mother. I believe it will be three years since you passed on. I love hearing Will and the kids talk about you. I wish I could have known you. Thank You for the boy you raised. Dear Will, I love it when we get to be together. I hope someday we can go somewhere just the two of us. Not this year! But I am still grateful that you come home to me every day and I get to lay next to you in bed every night. Thank you for loving our family. Dear Self, I have pushed it to the limit this last while. I wish I could be myself again because I am just not content with my abilities right now. I want to do so much more and not feel guilty for being less than I used to be. I'm still working on that.

Friday Letters

Dear Children, It was love of reading week. No homework Woohoo! Dear Ma Pa + Sis, I am so glad you came to see me, even if I was useless. AGAIN. You did my laundry and cleaned my yard, fixed the hammock swing and gave my kids a much needed reminder to help and obey. At the same time convincing me to let them play in the water in the ditch. Everyone took a nap on the couch and Papa was bored for awhile. I teased that we can't all have the energy of a 69 year old. Me and Pa had matching hand wounds, me from carpal tunnel surgery and him from the removal of skin cancer. His incision was bigger than mine. And then Pa goes and gets his heart shocked back into rhythm. I knew you were going to do it, but I think you should have told me what day before you did it not right after! At your age you should be required to check in and report! But I am very happy you are taking good care of yourself.  Dear Kade, you walked in soaking wet and said "...I slipped and fell in the water..." Laughing, Papa says " but you took off your socks and shoes first? Did you really think we would fall for that?" you said "uh no not really". Stinker. Dear S, I feel sad every time I look out the kitchen window into your backyard knowing that you have passed on. Knowing that C is missing you. You both have been so kind to me and my kids and they loved you both instantly because you talked and played a game with them. It was just a few months ago when we were singing at your door. My kids are sad you are gone. I am sad you are gone. I know you are just right there waiting for C. And I know you will be together again. That knowledge and the peace it brings is priceless. I am sad for my Mama, who has lost too many good friends lately. Your funeral was beautiful. The little Bryce girls played the most beautiful violin piece to Be Still My Soul, one of my absolute favorites. I cried a bit. And when your brother sang I Know My Savior Lives I was overwhelmed with the comfort of my Savior. I thought after those moments and beautiful words how can anyone not know He is there. He Lives. Dear Break, this is the beginning of our spring break. Can we handle it?...Can I handle it? We shall see. Dear Dr. Appointments, Will and I drove the 3 hours to see two Dr.s. I wanted to hear all good now move on with your life. But that's not what I heard. Still struggling, still healing. I'm not fond of complications like this. Although, it really was so nice to get to spend the entire day with Will. We ran some errands and ate lunch and I even talked him into trying out a pedicure. Ha! He wasn't nearly as fond of it as I was. But I loved the whole day. Dear Kasi, you have no idea how much I worry about my kids. And how hard it is for me to leave them because I don't ever feel like they will really be cared for and taken care of. You handled all 7 of them so I could see the Dr., and with some of them being stinkers, like a pro. You have no idea how much I appreciate you. You are strict, but they love you so much. The perfect blend. You make me laugh too which is a big bonus. And you tell anyone how messy my house is, well you better not! I am glad we are friends. Thank You! Dear Packing, you completely wiped me out. It took me forever and we had to turn around because I had forgotten my tennis shoes. We are going to have a great spring break... If I could just get some sleep. Dear Will, I have loved spending time with you and I am so happy you get the week off, even if there will be a bunch of crazy kids around the whole time. I love you so so much. When we were sitting at the funeral I was thinking, I could never leave this life if I didn't know I could have you in the next life. So I think I will stick around just for awhile. Dear Self, it's been a week I'll tell ya. I go from discouraged to hopeful and back again. But never forget how blessed I am. I know that the Lord is trying to help me grow. Because I need to.

Carpal Tunnel

Will and I have posed for this picture more times than I would like.

Do I look calm, collected? In My pretty hat.

I was not feeling calm or collected.

Even though I had been reassured many times that this surgery was so minor to the last ones, that I would not wake up in pain and that it would be a 20min piece of cake.

I believed them, I really did, but my body didn't. I felt nervous and a little scared

even though I knew there was nothing to worry about.

Will was with me, but somehow I still felt alone because no one really gets how hard it is sometimes.

The last two months have been so difficult for me. Difficult for everyone I think.

 That's how it goes when the Mom needs help.

It's taken it's toll on me in every way, not just physically but mentally and spiritually, even though I know the pain of surgery will get better and I will eventually be relieving severe chronic pain. I know that. That is why I had to do all of this in the first place, but some days it really is so hard and discouraging. Not just for me, but the whole family. There comes a point I think when everyone just gets tired of you not feeling well. And that makes me feel so bad.

This surgery went just as planned, although I may be the first to get nauseous after needing two extra doses of meds. My stomach is cool like that.

I have suffered from carpal tunnel for at least 14 years and never had a clue that is what was causing the pain. From my shoulder down into my fingers, actually it was my hand going up, would be the worst pain and numbness and I could never just get a normal night of sleep. 

It sounds silly but I remember months ago sitting in the waiting room to see the Dr. for something totally unrelated and praying that he would be receptive to the spirit and be able to help figure out what was wrong. I was there for my knee, but may have begged him to shoot some cortisone into my shoulder because it has helped my knee so much. That got him thinking and after some tests and a cortisone shot in the wrist that relieved so much pain, I was eager to just get the surgery over with.

Somehow I always schedule things when Will has to work late and all weekend cause I think I will be fine.

My hand as you can see swelled up and was about to burst. And hurt by the way.

Unfortunately for my surgeon, but fortunately for me, he is in my ward and lives down the road. So the poor guy got a call from me late evening and a visit. I felt so bad for bothering him, but there was someone else there already having him check his ankle out so I'm not the only one. Poor guy.

It's a good thing I can laugh at myself. He teased me because my bandage was too tight cutting off the circulation. I knew that! But the papers said Not to take it off! He re wrapped it for me as I told him he wasn't allowed to tell anyone I bothered him for that. 

Life is never boring around here.

“Tears at the passing of good people are the price we pay for love in this world. We realize how precious these people are to us and how precious their lives have been, so it is very easy to see why they are indeed ‘precious in the sight of the Lord.’ In that sense, even as we feel such loss in our lives, how joyful it must be for that person, other loved ones and the Lord Himself to have such a joyful reunion beyond the veil. Nothing is more ‘precious’ than a humble, worthy, loving life. How grateful we should be, then, when the Lord will say to such an one, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant…enter thou into the joy of the Lord.’ It is worth letting them go in order for them to behold that face and hear those words.” 

Friday Letters

Dear Children, the week went fast. We had some rain. I can tell from the tents you made out of garbage bags in the yard. Dear Hailey, you did so great in the play at EAC Bugsy and Malone. You had such fun; you love that kind of stuff. Dear Surgery, for carpal tunnel, I felt way more nervous than I needed to be. I got a huge headache, really nauseous and my hand almost swelled off but 2 weeks, I’ll be good to go. Right? I’ve come to realize how much I need my right hand. And the answer is a lot, I need it a lot. Dear Avary, poor Baby cakes. You’ve been throwing up and feeling sick for days. Makes me sad. You’ve been sleeping on the couch because you think the top bunk will make you feel sicker. Dear Gilbert Temple, after taking the kids on the tour, it was nice to be able to take 6 of 7 of the kids to the dedication. Even if we did have to make the kids trade seats probably five times to keep them quiet. All 8yr olds make boat hats out of a hanky, right? Dear Family, I am so glad that you are coming to see me this weekend. I could really use some love and cheering up while sitting on my couch. That’s what you’re supposed to do. K? Dear Will, you stayed up all night with me when I was so sick after surgery. I’m ready for some normal life for us now and I’m sure you are too. Thank You Will for helping me. Love You. Dear Self, ugh. So tired. So overwhelmed. So limited. I still hate needing help. I need a vacation from pain and illness. Any time now. Although, I am so very grateful for two hands. Two hands that will hopefully do more than I can ever imagine.

This is something to remember