Oh Life. What more can I say? Well, I guess we all know I can say more haha.
I feel like I am on a roller coaster. You hear people say this all of the time, but I can see why. Sometimes I feel so much hope for the future, that maybe someday I will have a happy family and there is so much to live for. And I give too much of my heart away and then there is all of this feeling foolish for ever getting on this ride in the first place. You have to feel that crushing feeling of the reality of the situation knowing that you are about to take that fall going a hundred miles an hour straight down to where you started, but then you get whiplash because life takes an unexpected turn, or expected since we did say we were foolish for getting on in the first place, but somehow it feels surprising anyway. The ride feels way to long and you are about to lose your lunch and the world is spinning and starting to go dark. And then you are jerked to a stop all of a sudden and you aren't quite sure where you are and then you realize you are right back where you started, which isn't always a good thing. Somehow we just keep getting back in line because we did laugh and you momentarily forget about the sick, spinning, dizzy, dark, crushing, plummeting,whiplash,heart attack loosing your lunch stuff. Your subconscious knows, that's why your heart is racing and you are sweating, it's trying to scream at you to get out of line. But somehow we think this time is going to be better, it's going to be different. Every time I step off that ride I feel foolish.
Of course this is a metaphor for my life right now. Like I said, Oh Life.
In the real roller coaster world I have learned to stay far away from certain rides. No amount of peer pressure will make me give in. I have motion sickness and even with Dramamine I get sick just watching them. And others I love every second and anticipate the fall that is my favorite part. I guess what I am telling myself is that it all depends on the ride. Some are just meant to be, some you need a little a Dramamine and the trade off is worth it, and some even with the Dramamine will just never work for you, it will take you out no matter what you do.
I must really need a vacation and there is not one on the horizon or even far beyond that. It seems to be seeping into my thoughts. Smile.
