I can feel it...

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My Thoughts Exactly...

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Friday Letters

I don't think we have ANY of the same mannerisms...Haha

Dear Children, you have been so excited to see Dad. I hope you have the best time with him. But I admit I don't know how to be so long with out you! Dear Camera, your battery is dead and the charger is not unpacked and either is the cord to the computer. So camera phone it is. Dear Christmas, you were great. Even though I was way behind and a lot of things didn't get done we did do our gingerbread houses and had a great Christmas Eve and Christmas day with some favorite people. Dear Traveling, AGAIN! I had to take down the real tree and all of the decorations on Christmas day because we have been out of town. Weird for me to do. What has happened to my festiveness?! Dear Blessings, we have been so blessed this Christmas. So many people have gone out of their way and given so much to make a wonderful Christmas for us. There is no way I could feel like the Lord has left us alone. It's not even what has been given either it's the fact that so many people have been so kind to sacrifice and be so selfless to be thinking of us and take the time to make sure that we know that. It just makes my heart feel so grateful. I love that my kids see that and want to give that also. Dear D, it has been good to meet you and get to know your kids a little bit. They are so sweet, I love them. The situation may not have been great for you, but I am glad for the opportunity to get to know you all a little better. Thank You for being so kind and caring for my children. Dear Dad, I said GET BETTER!!!! Stop it right now, I don't like it one bit! Dear Family, I am so happy to get to spend time with you. Thank You for being so supportive and sharing in my happiness. I Love You. Dear Ward, I like you so far. And I liked the strange coincidence (or maybe not a coincidence) of meeting MK who meant to attend a different ward. I really enjoyed getting to know you!  Dear Week, somehow I don't even know what day it is. Life is going way too fast and is so busy. But I got my kitchen cupboards free of mouse poo so I can say it has been a productive week, right? Dear Friday, you may be my favorite day of the year. Sitting in a booth at Barrows will be forever in my heart and mind. Dear Will, Some times I wonder if you are for real. You are so kind and make me so happy. You have handled every situation I have put you in with such ease and have supported and helped me at the same time. I love every minute we spend together even when I have to share you with the kids. I love who you are. I Love You! Dear Self, I am so overwhelmed with how much the Lord has blessed me. My testimony in His love for us just keeps growing. He wants to help us grow and be who we should be, but also wants to shower us with love and blessings. Trust Him. I will be forever grateful that I chose to have faith and trust Him when I couldn't see. What I am starting to see is more than I ever could have imagined.

Merry Christmas!

2012

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Friday Letters

                                 


Dear Children, all of you have been so excited for Christmas, but at the same time made sure that I know that you will be happy even if you don't get what you asked for. I love your sweet little spirits. Dear Grandpa Sutton, I feel very blessed that I was able to be there to celebrate what a wonderful man you are. I will never forget the love and kindness you showed to me and my kids. You are missed. Love You! Dear S, Thank You! I was so happy to see you. I wish it had been under better circumstances and with more time, lets not wait so long next time! Dear Traveling, you can be stressful and no fun especially with a head cold...unless you are with someone you love being with and then it can be just awesome. Dear Family, thank you for taking care of my kids so I could go to Grandpa S funeral. It meant a lot to me. Dear Frustrating, when someone in another state starts using my bank account right before Christmas. Having to cancel my card and only being able to use the ATM makes it hard to buy gifts with no stores around and not being able to buy online. I should have been more prepared than the thief and got to it first. Dear Christmas, you snuck up on me and I am completely unprepared and out of time. There's always next year right? Dear Body, despite the days filled with pain and limitations I have a deep gratitude for this imperfect body of mine. It doesn't look how I want it to or work how I want it to, but I have four beautiful babies and I can get up and care for them, I can enjoy this beautiful world and this beautiful life every day. Dear W, I am so grateful that you are in my life. Thank you for all the many things you do for me including taking care of me when I am sick. It takes a good man to do that. Dear Self, reflecting on the purpose of Christmas, I am so grateful for my Savior. He makes me want to be better everyday. And keeps me aware of all the blessing He gives to me and the amazing life that I get to live with my children.

Fall

Kids can have quite a bit of fun raking leaves

Avary was more concerned about earning the most ice cream

The girls made Hazel a Queen of the leaves

And then walked around with their rakes being her guards

This is how we discipline!

 Ha Just kidding.

I had fun watching them work.

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Friday Letters

Dear Children, there has been so much cranky. I think we all need a nap. Dear Laundry, without a washer and dryer the laundry just seems to always be piling up and it is never under control. The laundromat stinks here. $17 and the clothes were still damp. Thanks to friends who let me do laundry at their houses. Dear Christmas, you are right around the corner and I have absolutely nothing ready. Not one gift purchased for the kids yet. I am running out of time here. Dear Christmas Tree, it was so much cheaper to get a real tree this year. It is very messy but makes the house smell so good and christmasee. Dear Merrill & Amy, I am so happy to hear that I have a new niece  I wish I was there to hold her! Congratulations! Dear Dad, you are not being very obedient. I said to get better! I love you! Dear Avary and Kade, your concert was so good I love hearing children sing. Dear Hailey your concert was so good this time. On the way home you said "Mom my G string broke and I had to take it off it was so embarrassing"!! Aww the innocence of children .Dear Grandpa Goerge Sutton, my heart is sad to see you leave this world and it aches for Grandma. But you had a wonderful full life. I like so many others loved you so much. I will always be grateful for how kind you always were to me and like so many others also, will miss the great big hugs, stories, and that sweet twinkle in your eye. And how you loved your grandchildren and great grandchildren. I feel so blessed to have had you be a part of my life. I Love You! Dear Grandma Sutton, you will be in all my prayers, I love you so much and want you to know that. The love you share with Grandpa is so beautiful. What a blessing to know you will be together again. Dear S & J, I love you guys. Thank You for loving me and thinking of me. Dear W, as always you make me so happy. I am so surprised but so happy that you are traveling with me right now. Dear Self, I love prayer. I love that I have a Father in Heaven who is always there to listen to me and give me guidance and comfort. I am super lucky.

Yummo

Would you like to start an addiction?

Here you go.

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Pretty

The kids missed Grandma and Grandpa's flowers.

I can't say G & G are happy about that.

They left a lovely surprise for the mail man though.

Friday Letters

Dear Children, it has been a cranky week for you, let's make it a happy weekend. Dear Blog, my little BloB of life has been neglected. I have been so busy and busy being happy. Dear Hazel, I love going on your field trips with you. We went to the Festival of Trees together. Dear Dad, I don't like it when you are sick. So stop it and get better! I love you. Dear December, how did this happen? I am completely unprepared. I hate being unprepared! Dear Awkward, putting Hazel on the bus to preschool and laying on my bed for a min...waking up to the bus honking for me two hours later. I jumped up wearing my nightgown and socks, no makeup and my fro. I had to run across the street to get her past a line of cars waiting with grass stuck to my socks. I made her run back to the house. I'm pretty sure at that moment she was thinking My Mom Is Awesome. Dear Awesome, trying to get out of the laundromat with too much stuff and Hazel and it not working so well. A random stranger just picked up the baskets I couldn't and carried them out to my car for me. It was so nice. Dear Marilyn, I am glad I got to see you. Dear 25th Ward Friends, I missed you. And it's good to know you are all looking out for me. Poor W. Ha. Dear W, I am so glad everyone loved you and could see all of the things I see. You were put to the test kind of ha. You handled it all so well and are always so kind and thoughtful. Thank You for coming and giving me so much support. Dear Self, I feel so blessed for the life that I have right now. I feel happier than I have ever been. Everyone tells me so. Smile.

a good life is

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Friday Letters

                                                          my favorite pizza and people

Dear Children, you had so much fun playing with your cousins, you completely wore yourselves out. Dear Thanksgiving, you were nice. And spent with nice people. And a good test. Dear 3rd Ward, I hate moving. You have been the best ward and taken such good care of us, we were never alone thanks to you. Dear Hazel, you just informed me that you took a picture of my butt. Should I be worried about you? Dear Family, it was good to be with you again. Fun to laugh and have fun with you. I Love You! Dear Hailey, it almost killed me to put you on a plane to Reno. We have never been apart that long, ever. I missed you so much! The world was not right until you were back in my arms. I am so happy that you had fun. I wish you hadn't gotten sick. Poor baby. Dear Barrows, I missed you. My behind didn't though. It was fun to have the whole family come. Best pizza ever. Dear Night Out, I loved having everyone together for dinner, it made me happy. It made it even better to have W there with us. I hope we didn't make you dizzy. Dear Self, I have a good life. I am happy.

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Thanksgiving...kind of.

                                                Hazel's Thanksgiving Feast at preschool.

I forgot my camera at Thanksgiving. It doesn't really matter since I can't find the cord to the camera. Lost somewhere in the rooms of stuff that is completely unorganized. It is eating away at me, but I'm trying to let it go since there is nothing I can do about it for another week. But it is always on the back of my mind!

We went to Yuma. A five hour drive that took us seven. The hotel was clean so it was kind of a relief to leave our messy house. And the bed was way more comfortable than mine, even with two kids in it with me. I had fresh waffles for breakfast every morning and ate way too much the whole time.

We met some very nice people who welcomed us into their home and never blinked an eye about five extra people running around. Well, at least they never let it show. They let the kids play with their animals and let Hailey sew on the sewing machine the whole time. I always feel bad imposing my posse on people. When we left K gave me a nice card and a young womens gift for Hailey. And apples. But this tells you the kind of person she is, she gave Kade a peeled, sliced apple for the car. Ha.

The kids slept most of the way home and I got to spend time talking with W, which I already do, but five hours with someone I never get tired of was nice. There is a lot more to it, but I have way too much to do to get ready to go to Mesa to be with my peeps and put my oldest child on a plane by herself. So basically have a panic attack. Maybe that is why I have been wanting to cry all day, lets blame it on that. I am in denial. It is the only way.

Friday Letters

Dear Children, you have been so happy with this move. None of you even blinked an eye. I think it just immediately felt like home to all of us. I love that. Dear Mom & Dad, I'm so glad that you came up to help me finish my crazy unorganized move. I love having you visit. I miss you. Dear Moving Day, you were one of the longest days ever. Thanks to W & W, all of the big things were moved pretty fast. Thanks for spending forever taking apart and putting back together all of our beds and for talking me into having my own room. I am really glad I listened to you! The neighbors were so nice and roasted marshmallows with the kids, my VT brought us dinner. I had plenty of help. And I really appreciate it. Now is the part that takes forever for me, unpacking. Dear B & B, it was so good to see you. I am so glad you came to visit. I'll have to plan a trip to come and see you! Dear Fridge, the landlord brought me a fridge late at night that had been...who knows where. I decided to bathe it in bleach. It took 4hrs to clean it. There were living spiders and bugs in it and...cat hair. And a lot of unidentified goo. I scrubbed my fingers to the bone, well just burned then with the bleach, but still. I thought I was done but then I would open it and there would be a bug..alive. Where did it come from?! This happened 4 times! I am scared to put food in it. But I am thankful that I have a fridge! Dear Hailey, you turned 12. You had a good birthday I think and got all of the things you wanted, you were pretty happy. When I took you to lunch I asked you what was the best part of your life right now and you said "having you for my mom". Melt my heart. I love you my little munchkin! Dear Concert, you were soo much better than the first one. Strength in numbers I think. Too bad the little girls were little devils the entire time. Dear Hazel, I loved going to your feast with you. Dear W, you are going to ride in the car with us for 5 hours...we'll see if you come back around after that. You're not even acting scared, maybe you're faking it. Either way I'm glad. You make me happy. Thanks for helping me so much this week. Dear Thanksgiving, I'm not home yet. But I am so thankful for so many things. For this house that we have to live in, this town that is our home, the people here who have taken us in and treated us so kindly, for so much beauty that the Lord had surrounded us with, my testimony that guides and sustains me through every step of life, my beautiful children. I could go on forever the list is so long. There is something to be thankful for every single day. Dear Self, someday soon there will be a moment to stop and breathe and then unpack. Don't worry, I'm pretty sure it will still be there later. For now I am going to try and enjoy where I am right now. And who I am with right now. And thank the Lord for all the things I am thankful for.

Friday Letters

Dear Children, you were so excited to have family come visit. You cried when they left. Dear Sis, Thank You so much for coming and making my birthday so happy. I love you. And I missed "my other kids". Dear Moving, I Hate You! I didn't pack. It looks like there has been an explosion. My kids are running wild. I hope I live through this one. Dear New House, you were not livable. Now you look pretty good other than the gross inside of cupboards that has mouse poop. Oh didn't I tell you we decided we might as well add some mice to the mix. Dear Roach, there I was minding my own business washing my hands in the kitchen sink and a ginormous roach crawls out of the drain..while I am washing my hands..I freak..screaming, drop the phone, run. I tried. I really did but it crawled out of the sink and onto my concentrated bug poison, turns around and looks at me...I'm not joking. The kids are witnesses. It was threatening me. I might as well tell you the worst part, heck why not. I ran next door where the landlord was working on the roof and had him get down, yes, you read that right. I had him get down. He came and killed it, but turned white and left the house and kept saying "that was really big". I made him promise not to tell anyone. But I just did so now we all know that I have not fully recovered from my roach phobia. Dear Birthday, I am 33. I don't like it. My body and mind feel old and worn out. But I have a feeling this is going to be the best year in a long time. All the kids decorated and made me cookies and jumped out and surprised me. It was so cute. It really was the best birthday that I can remember in a really long time. Dear Friday, I am moving. I am sure it's chaos. Thank You W & W for spending the day helping me! Dear W, you made my birthday feel special and happy. You are so thoughtful and kind. Thank You for all that you do for me. You make me happy. Dear Self, I am a little stressed. Moving does that to me especially when I already have a full schedule. Keep it together and fall apart later. 

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lost my mind

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Friday Letters

all kids do back flips around the bench seat right

Dear Children, it has been a long week. You have been so good about it. I love you. Dear B, You are such a good friend to me. I am pretty excited that you had a baby that I can come cuddle. Dear W, I love being with you. I don't know how we became such good friends so quickly, but I am really glad that we did. Somehow we are still friends even after you have seen me in all my weirdness. Ha. Dear Scary, finding my toothbrush NOT in the place where I left it. Dear Rodeo, you wore the kids out! I will have to attend rodeo's more often. Although I did not enjoy seeing a child almost get trampled. Dear Allergies, you suck! I have always felt awful for people who suffer from allergies, but I never had them. I seem to be allergic to Thatcher. I can't talk or breathe without coughing. I sound ridiculous. It's been like 3 weeks of breathing misery. Dear Hailey, we had a little scare in the hospital, thankfully you are ok. I'm hoping you feel better really soon. Dear B&W, really, I couldn't ask for better friends. Stealing my children and caring for them while I was with Hailey when you just had a baby! I will be trying to repay you for a very long time. Thank You! Dear Hazel, I had fun going to the corn and cotton fields with you for preschool. You had so much fun. Dear Self, I don't think I have ever been as happy and content as I am right now. A constant reminder that the Lord knows my heart.

Bikes

Thanks to W we don't have any flat tires right now.

This looks so safe.

And I also see why Hailey steals my bike.

Hazel is practically a pro at riding a two wheeler now.

Avary said she was doing ballet and riding a bike.

She was serious and did this for a long time.

Aaannd this is how that riding session ended.

Ha. Don't worry he was fine. He fell over and then laid down.

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Friday Letters

Ballerina, Taylor Swift, Cinderella, Navy Seal

Dear Children, you have been funny this week. I love when you entertain me. Dear Fun, thanks to friends we got to go play at the park, have hot dogs, and I even got to play cards. The kids had fun and so did I. Dear Evening Dancing, the kids seem to always be waiting for the moments when I say "time to dance" they are so funny and giggle the whole time. Dear Big Brother, I hope you have a happy Birthday! You know, now that you are old and all. Dear W, I love talking with you. It can feel like 30min when it has been two hours. Ha. Dear House, after 2 yrs of paperwork and nightmare our house is finally SOLD! It is sad, but such a geed feeling to be done with it. Dear Halloween, you were good, but I was ready for it to be over before it began. Strange for me. Now to get rid of the candy. Dear Hazel, your party at preschool was fun. They blew up a giant bat cave and we crawled inside and listened to a story. Dear Avary, your heels have been hurting so much you got to the point you couldn't even stand on them. Luckily there are no breaks, but back into your boot you go. At least it helps. While waiting for the x-rays you were doing back summersaults on the bed in the ER. They didn't need to ask what happened. Dear Voice, you have been gone for so long and I can't always breathe good. It's driving my crazy! Dear Week, my brain doesn't seem to work and I can't even remember the last week. Dear Moving, I am dreading you. I hate moving so much. Dear Self, I am so blessed. And I know it.

Spooky...ness

Halloween snacks

Avary was being silly and said she wanted ear wax to eat.

So I made her some.

Trying to think of things to do so I don't have to decorate.

Next Year I will decorate hopefully and get back to being excited.
I guess I should go find the costumes.

Truths

I love studying the scriptures.

Lately there have been some things that I have thought a lot about. Things that I love, things that comfort my heart, and remind me how much we are loved by our Father in Heaven.

When things can feel so out of control and painful and hard think of this -

When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience  they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow. (conference 1995)

Which means He loves us. Well, I can say He loves me then. Ha

Some things I love about the Atonement -

Opposition provides choices, and choices bring consequences - good or bad.

Daily, constantly, we choose by our desires, our thoughts, and our actions whether we want to be blessed or cursed, happy or miserable.

Paying for our sins will not bear the same fruit as repenting of our sins.

The Atonement is rehabilitative, a miraculous power that can help us change who we are

Divine assistance and genuine repentance, those forces have the power permanently to change our hearts and lives.

We preach of Christ that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.

It is possible for every soul to obtain forgiveness of sins, to have them washed away and be forgotten.

When I think about all of the trials throughout my life, my Savior has been right there trying to help me be a better person. Trying to shape me into something better than I can ever be without those trials. Having to completely depend on the Lord and overcome really hard things makes me love my Savior so much more. And so thankful for the gift to be able to repent, to be forgiven, to forgive, to change, to change my whole soul and give my whole soul to Him.

Avary is 7

My Babycakes is 7yrs old!

She was very excited!

She got breakfast in bed and Birthday Balloon Wishes!

If you've ever seen Avary open presents you would understand how excited she gets over ever single gift. This was over a pack of gum. Ha

She REALLY wanted hair chalk!

Just imagine her delirious giggle.Smile.

And then she saw...

Her new pet!

The only pet I will let her have.

She is an animal lover, poor thing gets a fake horse.

But she loved it. She named it Dark Mint.

And a new bike!

She was just a little excited.

She got other gift too, but no pictures.

She was a happy girl!

And here is a picture of the true Avary.

Always making us laugh.

She is just herself and says whatever crosses her mind. She is oblivious to why there would ever be a problem with that. Ha.

 She cries when she is heart broken, lets you know in no uncertain terms when she is mad or grumpy, and laughs and giggles when she is happy. And she is one tough cookie.

I love this little girl!

I can still remember snuggling her as a tiny baby in my arms, she loves to snuggle and she hardly ever cried. We fought over who got to hold her all the time.

She has such a sweet spirit.

I Love You Avary!

it's not too late to be you

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Movin On Up Series

Original Before

Middle- After stucco patching the house together.

After- the I'm so done with this. It looks great to me.

I took off my house numbers for the pic.

It's a chalk board so we can be festive with the seasons.

Overall this is a major improvement and a lot of work.